An Apology

Hey, internet.

I might as well put the apology right in the beginning, before I start dumping all my emotional luggage on your shoulders again. I’m sorry for not having been posting for so long – but I had a good reason for it.

Basically, Officer explained to me that a stalker always wants to achieve one thing: Attention. It doesn’t actually matter if that attention is positive or negative, if it’s joy, fear or anger. If you react and acknowledge that your stalker has an effect on you, no matter which, they have won. He explained this to me back when I had to deal with Brute, and I tried to act accordingly, hoping that Brute hadn’t discovered the blog yet.

With the rose person, it’s another thing. Both Officer and I think they might be connected to Brute’s murderer, which means that they possibly know about the blog (since Brute knew about it). So I tried to lay low here and to not post for a while.

It sucks though. I missed this blog, I missed all of my few readers and it didn’t help anyway.

Officer is going nuts over this case, especially because of me. Story doesn’t seem to have any problems, but I’m still getting the roses every night. We can’t seem to find out who’s responsible for this though. Officer watched over my window several nights in a row, he even got some friends to help him once – but he didn’t catch anyone. It makes him nervous, and I can’t shake the feeling that there is something about those nights he doesn’t tell me. Something that makes it worse for him. I mean – I’ve known him for quite a while now, and I know how irritated he can get when something doesn’t work out as he would like it to. But this time he doesn’t just act annoyed, but more nervous… I can’t really explain it, nevermind.

Anyway I’m more or less isolated for my own protection. I’m not supposed to leave the house alone until Officer found a way to get at those guys from the club (and as you may have guessed, the police station isn’t helping much) and I’m advised to not contact Story, since I could put him in danger with that. The same goes for my friends – yeah, Berry texted me when she learned about my situation from Officer and apologized. She even said she would set things right with the others again. But that doesn’t help much since I have to stay away from them now in order to protect them.

Officer doesn’t tell me much about his suspicions, but from what I know I think that he suspects the rose person to be the murderer, and to have done it because they knew about Brute stalking me. So everyone in contact with me is automatically put in danger a bit. That means: No school, no guests – it’s practically like being grounded, just with a less disappointed Dad and some policemen in front of the house whenever they can.

So yeah, I’m pretty much isolated from everyone but Dad and Officer. Dad handles the situation great – Officer told him that I am in danger and therefore shouldn’t meet other people, so he tries to be home as much as possible. He always brings me movies and shows to watch – I’m through Tangled (missed it when it was in the cinema), the entirety of My Little Pony – Friendship is Magic, Enchanted, Poyo, Princess Tutu (okay, that wasn’t a DVD, I kinda stumbled upon it online) and quite some parts of How I met your Mother (for some reason I just can’t focus while watching that though, so I pause often).

Probably because I’ve seen My Little Pony right before that. And I wish there were more episodes, like, way more. It’s so cute and lovely that it makes me forget about my problems entirely while I watch it and I adore the characters – each and every one of them. Oh, and of course I just loved Tangled as well – Rapunzel resembles me so much it isn’t even funny (the part when she went yay-wah-yay-wah? That’s me all right!) and I really liked the villainess this time. See, most of the Disney villains had some sort of special stuff they could use against the protagonists – special abilities like magic, some minions, political power or just plain money. But this time, the villainess only had one weapon: Her mind. She couldn’t kill or defeat Rapunzel, so in order to use her magic power, she had to win the trust and love of the girl instead. I liked to watch how she really had to think hard about every step she made, instead of being able to simply throw around mighty spells or turn into a giant dragon to solve her problems. I don’t think that I ever saw something quite like that in a Disney movie, and I liked it.

Sadly, my Dad couldn’t get his hands on a copy of the Sharpay movie yet. He promised me to find it soon, though.

I still get the roses. The way they arrive is always the same: At midnight sharp, I wake up from a tapping noise at my window, and when I check, a new rose lays there. Black and strange like the others. They don’t wither and don’t break, no matter if it rains or if the sun shines, and although they piled up, none ever fell down from the sill. In order to not react to rose person, I didn’t touch them for two weeks, but… The tapping noise persisted. Everytime I turned away from the window I could hear it again until I looked directly at it. But I can’t stare at my window all day, so I lived with the tapping as long as possible. By night I usually got used to it a bit and could kinda sleep – until midnight when it got louder. By yesterday, the tapping was so loud that I couldn’t sleep anymore, so I pulled and all-nighter (as I tend to do every now and then recently) and in the morning I just opened my window and took all the roses inside.

Yes I know – that’s definitely a reaction. Which is why I’ve done it and why I’m posting here now. I’m giving up a little. Nothing changed when I ignored everything, absolutely nothing. But when I took the roses inside, the tapping stopped. I didn’t hear it again yet.

Holding all the roses at once made me feel really dizzy, but I still managed to put them into a vase. They are on my desk now and although they’re strange I kind of like them.

To be honest, I can’t help but think about Brute’s post.

Look instead at the one who looks back, who can be with you, care for you, love you the way you are meant to be loved.

I know it’s silly, but sometimes I wonder if… if it is Brute who brings me those roses to cheer me up after it didn’t work out with Story. Sometimes when I look out of my window at night, I could swear that I see someone move behind it.

Once… well, I almost think that I saw a suit there. Like on the notes Brute drew. And maybe it was a mistake, but I’ve read the blogs of Adele and Jane now (I better don’t link them, not sure if you would want to read them… they are pretty creepy) and… What if it’s true and Brute has something on his side we can’t understand?

Even if it’s not him. Wouldn’t every girl wish for someone who brings her a rose every day?

If it wasn’t for the suspicion that rose person has to do something with the murders, it would be a charming gesture. “Someone who looks back”.

I’m sorry… I’m tired and a bit confused by everything. I’ll better get to bed now.

G’night, internet.

The Revelation

Hey internet!

So I had to shut up all the time about Story’s and my secret. Buuuuut I discovered the schedule-function on WordPress now (WordPress is so fabulous<3) so I can now talk to you about it in advance (before anything actually happens) and just make it so the blogpost is published while I’m already in the club.

And yes, that’s the secret: Story and me are going to a club together!

It’s not as date-ish as it might sound at first… well, here’s the background:

When the police dropped the case, Story didn’t want that to happen. I mean… who would? But since he’s a little knight in shining armor inside (heh<3) he took things into his own hands and did a little research. Obviously, Brute’s whole room was stuffed with things which related to that urban myth he had told me about. So the logical thing to do was looking into this mythos more carefully.

He didn’t want to tell many details – he didn’t even mention if he believed in it at all. But as a matter of fact, there seem to be some people here in town who do believe in it and Brute might have been one of them. And Story said that the crossed out O’s on the note in Brute’s chest and the whole… method he was murdered with all matches the Mythos. So the little high school student and nerd just so happened to stumble upon a lead. Fabulous? Absolutely! Especially since Story also stumbled upon a club which name seems to be a reference to that mythos as well.

Of course the first thing Story did was calling up Officer and telling him everything and of course the first thing Officer did was trying to get the police to open the case again. But since the police still seems to think there are not enough leads (Officer is furious about that), Story convinced Officer of finding out more. Now there’s a little problem: This is not exactly the biggest town ever, so most people know that Officer is, well, an officer already. So Story decided to consult someone with a certain expertise on clubbing to accompany him while he goes see if any suspiciously familiar people happen to be in that club.

We won’t do anything head over heels. Officer will drive us and stay close with the car – close enough to barge in whenever we get in trouble – and all we’re going to do is go in, dance a little, look around once and go again. We won’t snoop around too much and we won’t really investigate anything.

Needless to say that I am a tad anxious though… which is part of why I leave this blogpost. And also why I will report back when I’m home again. If I don’t, something happened and… I don’t know. You’ll at least know why the blog ends here and stuff.

Now I’m getting really scared. :(

There’s no reason for that, though. Story and Officer will be with me. And if we don’t find anything, this could really be a… date.

Now why does that make me even more nervous now?

Uhm yeah… anyway, I’ll need to get off the computer soon to style Story, but before I do so I can show you a quick shot of my outfit doodles:

All the doodles together.

Those are the outfits we will wear.

That one chinese-ish dress I saw at the mall when I was last there with my friends and it was stuck in my head. But seeing it scribbled down on me I decided that it actually looked a bit too slutty, although a certain amount of slutty is a good idea if you want to be let in. In the end I settled on a sexier version of that sporty-ish outfit – revealing enough to look way over 17 and get in, but concealing enough to not look too inviting or give Story the wrong ideas about… me.

For Story, I didn’t have to think too long. There really is only one look to go with if you want to be a mainstream-ish trendsetter with glasses: Hipster.

It’s true. Sorry hipsters.

Yeah, I doodle outfits down like that every now and then, simply because I can’t see myself in comparison in the mirror. This way I can lay down the papers in a row and compare, while still having a well-sorted wardrobe, a tidy room and wearing comfy clothes. I’m lazy like that. And I actually know pretty well what’s in my wardrobe anyway.

He’ll be here any minute now, so bye internet and wish me good luck!

I’m so excited

And I just can’t hide it!

Hey, internet!

Wow, I really have to think about blogging more often. I’m sorry but there was a lot of stuff to do for the secret.

Story and I had to kind of raise a little fund for it, so we convinced our parents to give us our allowance earlier and (at least in my case, I dunno about Story) did little jobs. It’s not the first time I had to wash a car to get a few extra bucks.

Anywho, we got some money together, so today ended up being the abolsutely most fabulous  day in my whole life (yet): We went shopping together!

I mean really. He was totally lost at the mall we were at, but that’s what was so incredibly omgwtfbbqsqueeliciously cute! It’s a pity that we had someone with us (our driver) so I couldn’t sneak-turn it into a little date… But I’ll have my true chance tomorrow.

Gosh, he was so cute in those clothes we bought him! *squee*

Also, I discovered this today. Oh my gosh how did I not know about that before?! I need to get my hands on this fabulous movie as soon as possible!

Although I’m not sure who to watch it with. Barbie had always been my High School Musical DVD Night buddy.

Well, Sharpay is worth being watched even if I have to do it alone! Totally.

Uhm… yeah. Expect news from me tomorrow night! I might leave a little entry for you when I head out, and I’ll definitely report back in when I come home. Thinking of which, I maybe should add: If everything’s all right (looky, I learned from Her!). Okay, I have to go and launch my happy thought rockets against my sudden anxiety of tomorrow.

Bye, internet!

Dirty little Secret

Hey, internet!

Sorry that I didn’t update during the holidays, but Granny doesn’t have a computer. She wouldn’t need it herself and she’s right when she says that Dad and me need to “unplug” a little whenever we visit her. So I only had my cellphone and while I could have updated via email or cell phone browser, I was a) too lazy to type long entries on the small keyboard and b) didn’t want to deny Granny a little Fiona time for the time being. Also, c) nothing really happened, but it’s not as if that has ever stopped me before, right?

So yeah, you might have noticed that I don’t sound as emo-y as I did last week, right? Well, I decided to be less mopey and everything. No one accused me for being a horrible person yet, I didn’t get harassed at school yet and my family still loves me. I’ll be fine.

Oh, also! I got my cell phone back from the police! And the blog is deleted from my bookmarks there. I wish I could ask Berry or Officer if Brute did that but… yeah.

Now the reason for me not updating right away yesterday. Guess who called me as soon as I got home? Yep, that’s right – Story!<3

It was a lucky coincidence that he called right when I entered the door. But there are some exciting news. Only you won’t be able to be excited because I can’t tell them to you yet. That’s right, we have a secret now. Everything else in the title is lies and slender though, it’s neither dirty nor little – I just like the song. You will learn on Sunday, depending on how everything turns out.

Apart from the secret we talked about everything and nothing until we had to go to sleep. I was really tired from the travel back already, so I just flopped on my bed and fell asleep. But checking my views today, I saw that nobody cared anyway, so I only feel guilty a very little bit. Maybe it’s understandable after my last blogpost though… (The few views I mean.)

Also, I want to finally thank my second fabulous person. Hey Her, welcome to the fabulous side of life, thankyousomuchImightloveyoualittlebitnow. Her blog is very fabulous, you should totally check it out: http://hernotepad.wordpress.com/

There is really not much more to tell you about. I still miss my friends, I still envy them for being friends with each other, I still have my guilt episodes about Brute. But it’s getting more okay by the day. And I don’t want to constantly mope at you – especially not now that I have to look good in the eyes of my new Fabulous Person!

I have to get back to scribbling stuff now. Important, secret stuff, hehe. You will see it later – gosh I am so giddy about it!<3

Goodnight now, internet!

PS: Fabulous Score – 4. Damn, I have to step up a little, haven’t I? ;P

PPS: 5 now!

Almost there

Only tomorrow left. No more school then until Monday.

I won’t lie. I feel… horrible. I am ashamed for what I’ve done, or rather, for what I didn’t do, which is reply to my friends’ emails. Why didn’t I do that? What in the world made me feel so special that I thought I could just ignore their messages?

I don’t know. I just know that I feel incredibly bad for that now. It’s like heartache. Or even worse. When a guy rejected me, at least I had friends who built me up again. Comforted me with ice cream and visits to the cinema and sleepovers and pillow fights. I miss all of that so much. I miss my girls. I miss them.

It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t have to see them all the time at school, being together at all times. They don’t pick on me or anything. But I don’t know if the cold ignorance they show towards me isn’t even worse. If they’d tease me, at least they’d be acknowledging me. But they don’t. Like, at all. I seem to be thin air around them. I was so much more to them for so long, how can I just suddenly be nothing?

I feel as if I’ve become invisible, as if I actually didn’t exist at all.

Except for Story.

School time still has a kind of surreal feeling to it. Because everything seems to be upside down all of a sudden. My friends ignore me, but Story now dares to approach me more often. And why should I reject that, now that I have lost everything I’d have to lose anyway? Instead, I try to smile for him a little bit, to help him through his problems.

He doesn’t even know that he keeps me going, I guess. But he does. For everyone else, I was that popular girl and now I am nothing. For him, I begin to hope that I always was and always will be… Fiona.

It’s kind of my own fault for deluding everyone, isn’t it? Actually, I’m not even sure if the Fiona that Story knows is the real one anymore. Maybe it’s just another facade I wasn’t even aware of.

And you probably have no idea what I’m talking about half the time, poor internet.

When I was little, the grown-ups would always tell me that I had a special gift. Dad called it “Fionamancy”. It’s basically simply that I got along with people very well – especially with adults. I just knew how they wanted a child to be. Cute, nice, quiet and sweet. So when I was bouncing around in my pink little dresses with blond little pigtails and big green eyes, beaming at them like a content kitty, they simply adored me and went out of their way to do whatever I liked.

This knack for people just stuck. I still have it. I meet another person and after talking for a while, looking at that person and everything, I just figure them out somehow. At least a bit. Enough to know what parts of me that person will like and dislike, and to behave accordingly. I never went really far with it, not further than… well, okay, not any further than getting into the clique of popular girls. But I tried to never abuse it. Because that’s what someone else did who I once… knew, and I learned from their mistakes.

There. I told it to someone. I never did that before.

And I don’t know if it feels good yet. Or if it was a good decision.

Getting people’s affection easily has its downside. I never know if they really like me, or just… who I pretend to be. It is not quite lying because… I don’t really lie. Lying and direct pretending don’t work for some reason. Strange, huh? I had a phase when I did that to be one of the cool kids, and it ended in a pretty bad crash landing. But just filtering yourself, shutting up about certain parts of yourself, and instead emphasizing the parts that people approve of more – that works. Because you’re still honest about the parts that you show. Just… not absolutely faithful to the truth.

I feel ashamed for it. Honestly. I sometimes feel as if it was an evil superpower and I wasn’t supposed to use it. But it’s actually the one and only thing I really can. I’m neither an artist nor an athlete, and certainly not a genius. All I really do is feel and understand feelings. If I didn’t use this one ability… I would just be nothing. Nothing at all, not even Story’s new best friend.

It’s not entirely bad, you know? I can determine well when people need to talk about something. I’m good at listening to them. I kind of have a knack for giving them advice. I know it reads like an excuse. But that’s because I feel a little bit bad now, before the eyes of the only… people I trust and open up to.

I’ll just post it now, though. This is kind of what I wanted from the very beginning. And if everything goes wrong, I can still delete this and go on with my life.

Please don’t hate me, internet.

Bye.

Gotta get down on Friday

Hey, internet.

Sorry that I didn’t post recently but I really, I mean really wasn’t in the mood. Let me tell you why.

I had another nightmare on Friday. I couldn’t remember any of it though, just that I woke up with a racing heart and sweating. So I woke up at, like, 5 AM or so. First I took a shower to calm down, but afterwards I still felt wide awake, so I decided to be a good little girl and say thank you to my Dad for being so nice to me on Monday. I made breakfast and got all ready for a change so we could have breakfast together.

The problem about that is that usually we only eat breakfast together when I go to school. Even then rather rarely, but whenever Dad can afford to. So, right when he came into the room and saw me sitting on the table, pouring him some fresh coffee – I could see he got the gesture all wrong.

“So you’re going to school again?”, he asked, his eyes lighting up. And when I saw him standing there, all hopeful and happy, I just couldn’t say no anymore. I just nodded instead, and since he had to leave early enough for me to have some time left, I packed my backpack then and went to school.

It all went downhill from there. I was too late a little bit and the teacher is a strict one, so she gave me a warning (“One more time and it’s detention, Phoebe, you can’t just go and decide for yourself when to attend school!” GRRRRRRRR!!!) and no one had brought over homework or told me what the others did at school so I was pretty clueless. And of course Ms Hatesme ignored all the raised hands in the room constantly to ask me every question first before she picked up on someone else! I mean, yeah – my friends have been sending me emails. But do you remember how I mentioned that they just don’t deem school very important? So, those emails are mostly “Why haven’t you been to Barbie’s party?” and such stuff. I didn’t even open the latest ones anymore.

So yeah, that gives me a perfect transition to my friends. After the horror that was geography, I just wanted to spend a nice lunch break with them. Well… I should have seen coming that I wouldn’t be able to.

I should have done a lot of things for that matter. Like replying to the emails and thinking of a good excuse for staying at home for a week. Because the girls were pissed at me. And by pissed, I mean they more or less kicked me out of the cafeteria single-handedly just by using words. I have never been humiliated so much before – and I can’t even say that I didn’t deserve it.

That I didn’t come to the parties… well, that’s one thing. I guess they would be okay with it if I just had given them a reason for me being absent for so long. They really were angry – at least they said that – because they worried about me but I didn’t tell them anything. Berry seems to have told them some bits and pieces. They knew about me having problems with someone and that someone not being well now. They didn’t seem to know about that someone being dead and the problems being stalking. They also didn’t know who it was I had problems with. But that doesn’t matter very much anymore anyway because they kicked me out of the clique – just like that.

I asked Berry later if she would help me to clarify things. But she just threw a glance made of pure disgust at me and said that she knew “about the note” and that I shouldn’t “act all innocent”. Also, that she’d do shit to pull me out of my own mess. And then she left me there, without any clue.

So yeah. I’ve lost everything. I’m not popular anymore, I don’t have a big circle of friends anymore. I can strike all the party-dates in my organizer, because none of the girls will let me in anywhere anyway. It’s simply over. I’ll have to sit this last year out. There’s no, heh, Fionamancy able to change that, no matter how hard I’d try – I just know.

I still haven’t gotten used to that thought.

I’m going to miss them all. Really – I mean it.

When I realized that there was nothing I could do anymore, I cried. A lot. I just hid away in the second lunch break and cried. I thought my eyes were dry after those past few days, but obviously they aren’t.

I really don’t want to go to school tomorrow. Or ever again for that matter.

There is someone I have to be there for though. Apart from my Dad, that is. Story is having a really rough time. Apparently, the police dropped the case already. It’s absolutely silly but they did. He called me up today and told me about it, being very angry and sad – Officer had just told his family. And no, Officer doesn’t know why, either. Obviously an order from above he can’t do anything about either, though.

Which reminds me of something I had brought up earlier: The note Berry mentioned. Story and me had a long talk about Brute’s death and Story told me that they found a note stapled to the bag in which his heart was. On the note was written “no means no!” in capital letters. With crossed out O’s. I don’t even know anymore.

We guessed around a bit, but that note is probably the reason for me being so suspicious to the police. Officer had told Story about it (it sounded like they had rather close contact this week anyway) but no one mentioned it towards me so talking about it would have confirmed my guilt for them. Since the case is dropped now anyway, I guess Story felt it was okay to talk to me about it.

Apart from that he said that Officer believes in my innocence. And he trusts Officer.

That kind of got me going again, although it’s still not quite good news. I wish I could just… actually do something. Anything. Cast a spell which would revive Brute or so to solve all our problems. Well, okay, not the friend problem, but being quite honest, for me it might be a major and horrible thing. But it’s actually nothing. I still have Dad – Story lost his brother and friend. Yeah, obviously they were more or less each other’s only real close friends apart from their books, shows and movies. It might sound arrogant when I say: Go me, I really fucked up big time there. But the thing is that I just know what I am. And that note and Brute’s blogpost… What else am I supposed to think than that I am at least connected to his death somehow?

If not even responsible for it.

Well… Story will start going to school again tomorrow. And he asked if I’ll be there, in that tone that sounded as if he was begging for help. So I will be there, of course.

It’s all I can do, really. I wish it would be more. I’m so sorry, Story.

So… time to stop avoiding my bed and to go to sleep. Goodnight internet.

Some Clarification

Hey, internet.

I’m sorry for not updating yesterday as I said I would, but it simply wasn’t such a good day for me. Nothing happened in particular that made me feel bad, I just… have some times when everything that happened the past few weeks kicks in again, especially thursday. So I didn’t do anything yesterday.

Dad is really sweet to me. I pity him for having to tell all my friends  that I can’t talk at the moment when they call on the phone, although I’m sitting and watching movies more or less right next to him while he does that. When he’s home at all, I should say. He needs to spend a lot of time working, so most of the day I can just let the phone ring until it stops.

Yesterday he came home earlier though. He’s the owner of a little store for artistic needs, so he always stays there after closing to do some paperwork, restocking and whatnot. It already makes me feel grateful that he seemingly skipped all that yesterday and went straight home.

He didn’t do much. There’s not much one can do. But he ordered some pizza, knowing exactly which one I’d like the most and without a comment sat down next to me on my bed while I watched “Alice in Wonderland”. Yes, he didn’t do anything. But he was there, and somehow, that alone was enough for me. I could snuggle up to him a little and sometimes I would cry a bit and he would pet my head, and sometimes I would just lie there and feel not-alone. In the end, I even fell asleep snuggled up to him, having weird Alice in Wonderland dreams (naturally… I’m going to tell you about it, although I don’t know if I will do it today or tomorrow). And when I woke up, he had tucked me in and put a little plushie on my nightstand, with a note saying: “Leftovers are in the fridge. Love you, Princess” and a cute smiley beneath.

I love you too, Dad. Very much so.

Well, uhm, that said I read over my last blogpost again today and realised that I totally forgot about quite some details, which made it sound… strange. I’m going to try and clarify things a bit, just in case you wondered (because I did if I’d care, and people seem to care about my blog).

1.) How do I know that the police have my cell phone? Easy, they told me in the interrogation room. Of course they weren’t like “Oh, Miss, by the way – we found your cell, you might want to have it back?” but rather… pointed out that it’s a strange coincidence they found the person who stalked me for a while murdered and then found him being in possession of my cell phone.

2.) How did they know it was mine? Because I actually have a little glittering sticker on it, saying “Fiona’s Fabulous FPhone!” There wasn’t much thinking to do I guess.

3.) If Brute found the blog via the cell phone and the police have it, why would I think that they don’t know about the blog? I never said that. I’m not going to tell them about the blog myself, that’s all. My views are quite high recently, so maybe there are some of the officers reading through it already. But they didn’t mention it to me yet, so I won’t mention it too and not give up hope it’s still a place for me and me alone. Well, and you, internet.

4.) Do I actually have anything to do with Brute’s death? No, and since that was so natural for me, I must have totally forgotten that no one can see into my memories and see that while writing. Reading my last few entries, I’d suspect myself of really being involved with the murder, just because I didn’t comment on that, like, at all. Since it’s possible that a policeman will soon slap me with a printout of my blog and ask me how I did it, I should maybe do it now, though. No. I didn’t kill him. At least not actively or voluntarily. I was at home the night they found him, I did my homework and went to sleep at a reasonable time to go to school the next day. I blame myself for making him feel the way he did towards me, and maybe not reciprocrating his feelings, and not talking to him when I had the chance to do it. I blame myself for not having stopped him from going outside that night, for not checking on the blog that evening, for not… stopping him from going out and being murdered. But I did not harm him and I didn’t encourage anyone to do it.

Something else about Brute: I don’t know if people can see who’s part of the blogs “team” or not, but he somehow added himself there to write the blogpost. And I’ll keep the account in there. I wouldn’t know much about how else I could make a memento for him, and I want to remember him and what I indirectly did to him. I liked him and looking at the blogpost I see what I liked about him shine through, as well as in his username. Both of which I should keep in mind. So I will keep that little bit of him close to me, and this blog – especially the admin center – is more or less as close as it gets. I think he would like that.

I’ll better stop writing here for now.

Bye, internet.

Le update

Hey internet!

Sorry for me not posting earlier, but I kind of didn’t want everything I wrote to be shoved into the “April’s Fools” corner. So I waited until today.

There’s not much to tell, either, but at least the few things are good news. I found out a bit more about Brute’s condition, although I don’t quite know what to make of it. Someone commented on my blog and seemed to know the things on his notes. I checked on her blog in turn and it sounds very much as if the monster he drew was the “Black King” out of a strategy game or MMORPG or I’mjustthrowingrandomwordsforgamesIdon’tknowbecauseIneverplayedthemoutthere.  I’m not sure what kind of game it is yet, though, because Thage (the commenter) didn’t answer my questions about that yet. But either way, it creeps me out a little bit less now in hindsight. I’ll just ask Story about it.

Who I didn’t have much opportunity to talk to this week because so many of the cool kids at school decided to be born in March/April and I have to attend birthday surprise party preparation meetings like every fifth minute. :(

My cell phone is still missing, but no new notes so far. Which is nice and the main reason for me being so upbeat today. Maybe Brute just had… I dunno, a rough patch and calmed down. Would be nice. Maybe he just wanted to pull a prank on me. Would be nice, too. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much too quickly.

The grades on the project with Story were good as well, I could answer some extra questions without any problem (thank you Story! You’re so fabulous<3) and thus might get a slightly better mark in German overall. Also: Breakfast lesson soon! Yay!

Even my dreams have gotten better. No nightmares so far. Just a really cute dream in which I was a Disney princess and spending a sparkly, pink, unicorn-rainbow-fartingly happy day with my princess friends. Hooray, sleep!

Okay, I need to go offline now though. Surprise birthday party at Barbie’s tomorrow. *sigh*

bye, internet!

In which I am both relieved and freaked out

Obviously, Brute doesn’t know about the blog and didn’t tell anyone. I asked Story some stealthy questions and also talked to Barbie (yeah, go figure why I nickname her that…), who couldn’t stay quiet about it for the life of her. None of the two seemed to know about the blog, so it will stay. Rejoice, internet!

I also decided to have a long conversation with Berry and to tell her about Brute maybe-stalking me. I should maybe elaborate: Berry is the daughter of a police officer. I don’t know if there’s a connection, but of all my friends, she’s the one who can shut up about things best. Sometimes I wish she would have grown up living with her father instead of her mother – they are divorced – so she would be more… yeah, more like me I guess. But her mother simply had the money to fight for custody until she had it. Big inheritance from somewhere, complete with a marriage settlement that didn’t leave so much as a cent for Berrys father. So Berry only visits her father every now and then. Incidentally, she sometimes takes me with her, because I’m the one of our clique that knows how to behave right around him the most. I can understand that. While the other girls simply can relate better to a wealthy heiress with an appropriate life style, I can relate best to a single father who needs to ponder every bigger expense. So I am kind of close to that part of the family and… I just know that Officer (yeah, I’m nickname lazy like that) wouldn’t talk about this to my Dad if I didn’t want him to.

Well, I told Berry about Brute, not as elaborate as I did here of course (she’s a bit more trustworthy than the others, but still shares a lot of their opinions on the invisible line between cool kids and the others…), and she suggested that we’d just visit her father together tomorrow, since she wanted to go to the movies with him anyway. Now I’m a bit nervous about talking to Officer tomorrow, but I feel good about hopefully getting some professional advice.

Berry also gave me one as well. She said I should make digital copies of the drawings and store them online, which surprised me first, but when I asked her about it, she said: “You know, the internet does never forget anything. Especially pictures. Even if someone deletes them, chances are that someone else downloaded them already and uploaded them elsewhere. My Dad keeps having problems with that when the pictures are made for harassing and bullying people – but in this case you could use that effect for something positive instead.”

That actually made a lot of sense to me. So I was fabulously sneaky today and used the scanner in my dad’s office to digitalize them. So here’s a plea to you, internet – maybe especially you, Fabulous Person if you still are with me. Please do download this stuff and keep it. And if anything happens, help me out with it. Please.

The first two notes Brute delivered to me and the fourth one.

The third note from Brute.

I got this note today at school. He somehow managed to tape it to my seat. Thanks to God I got if off before anyone saw it.

The last one makes me most nervous. The “O”s look just like the symbol that flickered over the princes head in my dream. Which is too strange a coincidence for my taste. This is also the reason for me talking to Berry at all.

That’s probably enough for today. Have a nice one, internet!

Alarm?

I’m a little bit alarmed. Yesterday my views went up like hell. Did Brute tell everyone about this?

If the blog vanishes today, it’s because people from my school know about it. I can use my cell phone to delete it then. So don’t worry, internet, you’re not to blame.

Bye, internet.