Bluh

Hey, internet!

Just a quick update because I don’t know if I’ll have time for one tomorrow. We have the party tomorrow and boy, am I tired from organizing everything… Like we shoved the furniture out of the center of the rooms so there will be enough space to dance, we installed enough audio equipment to have great sound in every room, I got a DJ and really awesome catering for it and the swimming pool had to be cleaned.
I’m not actually awaiting too many guests, but I’ll keep the sleeping rooms locked (no need for anyone to snoop around in my room…) and I don’t know yet which rooms they’ll prefer, so yeah… I want everything to be perfect. After all, everyone with any kind of status is going to come.

Except from Berry. Odds are that she won’t show up at all. I’m a bit worried about her, since I haven’t seen her at all ever since our argument. Not even at school. There’s the rumor that she skips lessons, but I don’t know for sure. Maybe she called in sick.

All I know is that she’s texted me some, uh… unpleasant stuff. Jonathan kinda confiscated the cell phone already so I won’t get worked up about it any more I guess. He’s really sweet to me – I’m glad that he’s around, or I would probably not feel safe at all.

Okay, I need to go to bed now. I need to sleep enough for the school day and the party night tomorrow.

Goodnight, internet!

Getting it off my Chest

Hey, internet!

So, I originally wanted to leave it at that comment I made, but I just couldn’t. I’ve had this on my mind ever since. So a bit of angry rambling now – I’m sorry!

EDIT: I just realized that I didn’t even address anyone but Jeremy in this for the most part… please forgive me, internet!

So the other day, this one blog showed up in the blogroll of my Dashboard: Shut up Jeremy. I had some time and was in the mood to read a little and what did I find? A photo of my Prince!

Apparently Jeremy, the author of that blog, has recently met Him! You can probably imagine how excited I was to see that. So I commented on it, read some more, commented some more and tried to calm Jeremy down a bit, because he seemed to be rather uncomfortable with my Prince around. Which I can understand, if you can remember my earlier blogposts – I have been too. He is unsettling to be around sometimes even now, because He’s just so unlike a human. I’m sure often when He looks at me, He actually smiles. It’s just hard to smile without a face…

Anyway, this was Jeremy’s response to that:

To the girl who’s been commenting on all my posts, Fiona…I read through your blog first. You are…insane. I’m not going to say I have a lot of experience with this shit but that thing is not your boyfriend. It kills children, or forced Reiner to kill them…you seem nice, okay, but you are really fucked up, and your posts…your most recent posts show you’re in a lot of trouble whether you realize it or not. Don’t tell me you’re his girlfriend. You’re fucked in the head if you think that.  You really are.

No, I didn’t leave out or change a single word in this. I mean wow, Jeremy! I really only meant to calm you down and cheer you up a little, no need to talk to me so harshly. :( And honestly, I’ve spent three months with Him now, a bit more if you count the time we dated in our dreams. He leaves the room if I politely ask Him to, He still places a black rose on my windowsill every night (I planted them in the rose garden we built behind the mansion – it’s beautiful, as soon as they touch the ground, they dig their roots into it!) and it’s not as if He just jumped out of a bush to stalk me. He actually politely invited me to a date first. Or what would you call it when a man goes out with you to dance with you in a rose garden He created Himself for that very moment? He never hurt anyone around me, He never forced me to do anything, but instead He showers me with everything I can wish for. And I love Him. I love Him so much you have no idea! It actually physically hurts that I can’t just cuddle with Him, that I can’t hug Him when He stands across the room, that I can not even kiss Him without passing out before my lips reach His skin. I miss Him when He’s not here and I talk to Him about pretty much everything. And He listens to me.

He’s being a perfect gentleman about everything so far and it makes me mad that I keep getting shit for loving Him because the internet and those insane people say He’s evil. I’ve read about your Reiner, who keeps blaming my Prince for the child murders in your town. For some reason you believe him that he knows the crime scene, was there when it happened (as he stated in one of the letters), knew the children, looked uncannily much like the culprit but is not to blame for anything? He even said “The man is for those who hurt children” or something like that in one letter. I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds pretty much as if my Prince was not very happy about this guy being nasty to children, and less as if He was nasty to them Himself!

So yeah, before you start giving me shit for being in a relationship with someone I know for three months and then some and went on dates with, because a mentally unstable stalker told you so – stop and think again.

Dammit.

I’m sorry, internet. But I needed to get that… well, off my chest.

…now I’m all uncreative all of a sudden. Oh well.

Nini, internet!

Good God…

Hey, internet!

I acted like an idiot yet again. :( My social knack only seems to apply for people I don’t have an intense crush on.

Since Story didn’t update his blog for so long, I worried a bit and wanted to call him. I should at least have had the decency of not doing it while He was around.
He’s more sensitive to my intentions and thoughts than you would know. I called a few people today to organise different things (like Fiance and Barbie), but He immediately knew who I wanted to call when I reached for the telephone this time. I barely touched it when I felt that familiar dizziness and when I looked up His “hand” hovered over mine, as if He was about to hold it down, and He faced me with that slight head-tilt.

Gosh, He’s been so patient all along and I didn’t even have enough brain to assume that maybe He was actually hurt and jealous by my efforts to talk to Story again and maybe He just was modest and catered to my needs because He wanted me to be happy and maybe I’m being a self-centered idiot again. And by maybe, I mean totally.
That just makes Him at least double as sweet. He didn’t show all along that I hurt Him… God, he probably was relieved when I finally stopped trying to call Story that day I came back. And then I started again and He just couldn’t stand to watch it anymore… And I can understand that – if He was in my place and a girl He had a crush on would tell the world she liked Him too, I wouldn’t be happy about Him trying to get to her either.

Now I feel so bad about it… I apologized everytime I saw Him since then. But it’s so hard to know what He’s thinking. I wonder if He’s still hurt… And if there is any way to fix that.

He watches over me, He gives me money, thanks to Him I have my friends back… And I’m just being a jerk and a parasite. Ngh!

So

Story has decided to go all “I BLAME YOU AND HATE YOU AND SULK AROUND!” on me. I called him up so often today, it’s not even funny anymore. I’m really sorry for his poor parents who had to act as if he wasn’t at home.
Why do I assume that he was? Because his mother didn’t grip the recording part of the phone firmly enough to muffle his voice entirely when she told him that I called.

Jerk!

In other news, something big happened today. Do you remember this post? In that case, you might also remember the man who gave me that envelope?
Well, he came to visit us today. I’ll simply call him Mister C. here.

I’m not even quite sure how everything is connected here, but my Prince must have sent him one way or another. Mr. C. is pretending to be my mother’s lawyer at the moment and, well… she died recently.
I’m not quite sure how to take that yet.
Anyway, her last will was that I inherit her money – which apparently is a ridiculously huge amount.

I wanted to be wealthy. There I have it.

Mister C. is going to stay around and to help me with accepting and receiving the inheritance. I have mixed feelings, but I think mostly I am happy, both for the end of our financial struggles and for the fact that my Prince made His promises come true.
I know that sounds strange because it’s my mother who died and she was newly engaged but… I didn’t see her for most of my life, I can barely remember her. And I rather wouldn’t. Maybe I’ll tell you about her sometime, but anyway I was surprised that she thought about me at all. Actually, I suspect that she didn’t, and my Prince was the one who made everything turn out that way.

The thing muffling my joy most is actually Mister C. Maybe it’s just because of his looks – he looks… kinda like Hispanic or Native American or Latin American or so and is about as old as my Dad I guess… so forty-something? Fifty-something? – and something about those black eyes is just totally intimidating. He always looks so serious, too.

And then, of course, there is the fact that he seems to know stuff about Brute’s death.

I’m actually kinda glad that he stays close, because it means that I can ask him about it. Maybe there actually is a good explanation for everything.

As to my Prince Himself, by the way… He still sends me the roses, the latest one He put on my chest while I slept. When I woke up, I saw His “face” hovering over me while He stood bent over my bed. I think He might have sung His song for me again, because I think I can faintly remember it. I bet He pondered if He should kiss me, but then decided against (I felt faint due to His presence already, he probably didn’t want me to pass out for another week) and when I blinked as He stood, He vanished.

It’s nice to know that He watches over me in my sleep. I feel so much safer now.
Heh, and there they go, all the bad feelings. Replaced by the butterflies in my stomach.<3

Bye, internet

Back Home

Hey, internet.

Just came back from the club.

Weirdest night ever.

And it doesn’t help that I just thought I saw something move in the shadows around my house. It was probably just a cat. But it was so quick and quiet that I really jumped. I guess being a big fan of Disney and avoiding horror movies on every opportunity doesn’t make me very paranoia-proof.

Okay. I’ll get myself a little glass of water and then type a neat little summary.

Better.  Okay, I’ll try to start after the makeover (because that’s what I did to Story when he arrived at my house).

Officer drove us close to the club. He stayed close, but out of sight – we had him on quick dial and were supposed to call him if anything happened. So inside the freaky stuff happened… There was a bunch of people there who had a child with them. Who brings a child to a gothic-ish club at night? I don’t know. But that child started staring at me. Children do that sometimes, I know, but it was creepy how it looked. I don’t want to describe it, I don’t even want to think about it for long, just… it’s one of the reasons for me being so jumpy for sure. So, all of this started to happen when Story and me actually started having kind of a good time. As in: He was extremly shy and everything, but I felt as if I got closer to him. Then he notices those people, but doesn’t tell me if he recognises anyone of them and – get this – suddenly just runs out of there, leaving me right in the middle of the dance floor.

I… yes, I may have used the opportunity of asking him if he knew the people to get a little bit closer to him. So, together with what happened afterwards, I’ll just take it as a no, Fi, I’m not into you.

So he barges out, I turn around because I didn’t want to go right after him in my frustration overload and this child stands behind me! Right behind me, like in a horror movie or so, staring at me like… I don’t even know! I mean, yes I turned away from it for a second, but not for long enough to walk over to me! And then it started babbling creepy, incoherent stuff about seeing me until its’ mother (???) came over and took it away. It wasn’t long, but it scared me shitless. So I left the club as quickly as I could, being all like “Okay, Fiona, maybe this child just had a mental disorder, the Mommy seemed normal and friendly enough.” when all of a sudden, a guy out of this group of people appears. I don’t even know if he had been there before, I just saw him inside with the others. And he directly approached me, giving me an envelope before I finally could flee to Officer’s car.

Yeah. He was like: “This is what a friend of yours gave me.”

You have may have three guesses who that friend of mine was. In the envelope was a photo of Brute that looked like he had been stalked himself, a blurry picture of a black man and some cryptic messages.

And then I called up Story, he came to the car (I don’t know where he had been, as soon as he came back he was preoccupied with the envelope) and Officer brought us home. And I’m freaked out because whoever those people are, they knew Brute, his murderer and me. Officer told me me to stay the hell out of this from now on and he promised he would have an eye on me. But I’m still scared.

So that’s where I am. Stalked, suspect of murder, known to the real murderers, rejected and paranoid like hell. I thought there was something tapping on my window constantly since I sat down to write this now and now I just want to curl up under my blanket and pretend nothing can get me there. And that’s exactly what I’ll do.

Except I just made the mistake to look at my window and might now not sleep, like, ever again. There was something lying there. A rose. A black rose on my windowsill.

Fuck this. I’ll sleep in Daddy’s bed.

This

…was an awful day.

Talk-to-a-Story-Day

Hey, internet…

I finally had the opportunity to ask Story about Brute today. I didn’t even directly bring up Brute, but Story seemed down and it turned out that it was because of him. And maybe because of me. I don’t even know anymore.

I don’t even know how to put this. Brute obviously… changed. According to Story, I had the right impression about him first, when I thought that he was simply a shy but nice guy. But recently he’s become more aggressive. He locks himself up in his room, only talking to people on the telephone. Story can hear him yelling and coughing a lot, he even found some blood in the sink after Brute had been in the bathroom, but whenever he offers help, Brute just tells him to “piss off.” The few times they actually have seen each other recently, he had dark circles under his eyes and looked really pale. And Story told me that he’s even vanished several times now, mostly at night, without any trace where he went or why, coming back early in the morning tired, shaken by violent coughing fits and even more aggressive than anytime else.

It frightens Story and his family. And frankly, it’s frightening me as well. A person changed so much and I just can’t shake the feeling that it’s my fault. I showed up and suddenly the brothers don’t get along with each other anymore and everything… goes to hell. Is that what I did? Changing a person so much for the worse just by being nice to them? I always had kind of a knack for handling people but never thought that I could harm anyone so much with that. I never wanted to harm anyone.

I’m so sorry, Brute and Story. So incredibly sorry. I didn’t want this to happen.

I somehow managed to slip in a question about the game. Story didn’t know much about it, but he said that Brute is into an urban mythos about a being called Slender Man (not quite a slender man, it’s more of a title or something). He told me it was an “if you know too much about it, he comes for you” thing and that he had been too afraid of such stuff to research it or let Brute show him anything about it. But obviously, there are some game-like stories about it. No, I didn’t look into it. Even if it’s that game or myth he’s into, he’s got bigger problems now. And I should rather find a way to help him.

Maybe I could try and put my abilities on use for something positive for a change. I’ll just… see what I can do for him.

I’m sorry for maybe not sounding very coherent about everything.

Bye, internet.

I’m such a Moron D:

I really am. Everything cleared up and I just screw up again.

I’ll tell you the whole story later when I have more time. But now I just need to get out this part: We listened to music when we worked on the project. I liked it. He burned the CD for me. Today at school he finally dared coming over to me and my friends at lunch break and wanted to give it to me.

They mocked him. And I didn’t dare doing anything but prevent them from going overboard. I didn’t even take the CD, I would have been “Princess Galactica“ or something like that forever if I did. He was disappointed, I know that. I always know such things even when the person doesn’t want to show it. That’s the only reason for me being so popular. And I hate myself for that.

I talked to him later and apologized and stuff. But while he is okay with it now, I’m not. I hate myself a little right now. That just wasn’t fair towards him.

But I don’t know what else I could have done. I fought so hard to be where I am. I don’t want to ever give it up. I’m afraid of losing it.

I’m afraid of losing him, too. It sucks that both contradict each other…

Sorry internet for being all whiny to you…