Getting it off my Chest

Hey, internet!

So, I originally wanted to leave it at that comment I made, but I just couldn’t. I’ve had this on my mind ever since. So a bit of angry rambling now – I’m sorry!

EDIT: I just realized that I didn’t even address anyone but Jeremy in this for the most part… please forgive me, internet!

So the other day, this one blog showed up in the blogroll of my Dashboard: Shut up Jeremy. I had some time and was in the mood to read a little and what did I find? A photo of my Prince!

Apparently Jeremy, the author of that blog, has recently met Him! You can probably imagine how excited I was to see that. So I commented on it, read some more, commented some more and tried to calm Jeremy down a bit, because he seemed to be rather uncomfortable with my Prince around. Which I can understand, if you can remember my earlier blogposts – I have been too. He is unsettling to be around sometimes even now, because He’s just so unlike a human. I’m sure often when He looks at me, He actually smiles. It’s just hard to smile without a face…

Anyway, this was Jeremy’s response to that:

To the girl who’s been commenting on all my posts, Fiona…I read through your blog first. You are…insane. I’m not going to say I have a lot of experience with this shit but that thing is not your boyfriend. It kills children, or forced Reiner to kill them…you seem nice, okay, but you are really fucked up, and your posts…your most recent posts show you’re in a lot of trouble whether you realize it or not. Don’t tell me you’re his girlfriend. You’re fucked in the head if you think that.  You really are.

No, I didn’t leave out or change a single word in this. I mean wow, Jeremy! I really only meant to calm you down and cheer you up a little, no need to talk to me so harshly. :( And honestly, I’ve spent three months with Him now, a bit more if you count the time we dated in our dreams. He leaves the room if I politely ask Him to, He still places a black rose on my windowsill every night (I planted them in the rose garden we built behind the mansion – it’s beautiful, as soon as they touch the ground, they dig their roots into it!) and it’s not as if He just jumped out of a bush to stalk me. He actually politely invited me to a date first. Or what would you call it when a man goes out with you to dance with you in a rose garden He created Himself for that very moment? He never hurt anyone around me, He never forced me to do anything, but instead He showers me with everything I can wish for. And I love Him. I love Him so much you have no idea! It actually physically hurts that I can’t just cuddle with Him, that I can’t hug Him when He stands across the room, that I can not even kiss Him without passing out before my lips reach His skin. I miss Him when He’s not here and I talk to Him about pretty much everything. And He listens to me.

He’s being a perfect gentleman about everything so far and it makes me mad that I keep getting shit for loving Him because the internet and those insane people say He’s evil. I’ve read about your Reiner, who keeps blaming my Prince for the child murders in your town. For some reason you believe him that he knows the crime scene, was there when it happened (as he stated in one of the letters), knew the children, looked uncannily much like the culprit but is not to blame for anything? He even said “The man is for those who hurt children” or something like that in one letter. I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds pretty much as if my Prince was not very happy about this guy being nasty to children, and less as if He was nasty to them Himself!

So yeah, before you start giving me shit for being in a relationship with someone I know for three months and then some and went on dates with, because a mentally unstable stalker told you so – stop and think again.

Dammit.

I’m sorry, internet. But I needed to get that… well, off my chest.

…now I’m all uncreative all of a sudden. Oh well.

Nini, internet!

Phew…

Hey, internet.

Wow, I thought that I’ve been stressed out before, but wow, today was exhausting.

You know, this club I’ve been to with Story? Well, I still had a flyer lying around from back then, and Konaa picked it up and was all over it. He insisted on me showing him the club.

It’s called “The Ark” by the way. When I tried to get some help from Google at recalling where the place was, I couldn’t find it there, so no reason to nickname it.
Anyway, we went there together and we had barely arrived when someone called out Konaa’s webhandle. I mean wow, is he a celebrity or something?

Then over came this big, black, scary hunk of a man with a grin that made me dive behind Konaa like a frightened bunny. He had this butchered, slangish way of talking, and immediately started to diss Konaa, who seemed to know him already. He was not very amused and just told him to piss off (that guy was twice the size of Konaa! I have no idea where he takes all that courage from, but I want some of it! D:). I’ll just start to call muscle-mountain by his webhandle here, because Konaa later told me what it was: Riddles. Yes, one of my other regular commenters.

John, Tengwar – if you both plan on visiting anytime soon, too, would you please send me a little note beforehand? Thank you.

Anyway, Riddles didn’t like how Konaa talked back to him at all. At first he got all passive aggressive, saying stuff like: “Oh come on, don’t you remember your oldest bro? How we did this and that together?” (Some really stupid stuff about pantsing George Washington – don’t ask, I don’t even know) and when Konaa still just stayed in place and stood before me all protective, Riddles started to outright threaten him, saying that he would “pound the hell” out of him and that Konaa would be “going to take it, with a smile on his face”. When Konaa shot me a concerned glance Riddles just added that he didn’t care if he frightened “the little Princess” and stepped forward, probably to make his threats true.

And that is where my other hero stepped in again. <3 I don’t know where from and how, but He was suddenly there, between us and Riddles, and just faced him silently. Riddles collapsed, whimpering incoherent stuff, and Konaa just took my hand and pulled me out of there.
I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such great men. :)

On our way back home I learned that this wasn’t the first time Konaa and Riddles met. Obviously, Riddles is the servant out of control who Mister C. mentioned – yes, the one who murdered Brute – and attacked Konaa before. Unfortunately for Riddles, Konaa won.<3 Which explains why Riddles was limping…
It’s pretty obvious that my Prince now tries to get him under control again, but I guess it isn’t very easy.

And our story still doesn’t end here, because when we came home to me, wrapped up in an argument about if Konaa was supposed to leave or not (I’d rather kept him here, he still didn’t seem to be very well…), out of nowhere Mister C.s voice intervenes: “He is perfectly all right, Fiona. And if he wishes to go home, who are we to hold him back?” (He sat in our living room awaiting us! Gosh, that man scared the hell out of me!)
Ngh… so yeah. I wasn’t fully convinced right away, but he had some very good points, so I bought a ticket back for Konaa and let him go. :( Konaa, you better keep your promise to message me if you arrived in one piece tonight, or I’m going to buy all TV stations in your area and let them send nothing but Disney movies and My Little Pony all day!

I think there was something else I wanted to talk about to Mister C., but I can’t for the life of me remember what it was right now…

I also still can’t get to Fiance. Well, maybe I’ll have a chance at the funeral.

So yeah… eventful day -> tired Fi. So I’m going to pass out on my bed now. And by “now” I mean “as soon as Konaa confirmed his well-being”.

Bye, internet.

PS: I’d actually not mind a visit from you at all, John and Tengwar. You seem nice. XD

Reporting in

Hi, internet!

I’m terribly sorry that I didn’t write for a while. But I’m awfully busy at the moment with both studying and the inheritance thing. Granted, first I put off posting a bit because I was about to rage at oshnaa for his rude comments. Thank you, John and Riddles, for your comments. I’m going to address that topic again next time, but I’m too tired and everything now.

Sorry again! I try not to put this off for too long!

Bye, internet!

And now for Something completely different

Hey, internet!

Whoah, all those buggy comments… I wrote an email to WordPress though about the error and included some screencaps. So I hope that your comments will be fine again soon. :) I’m sorry!

Adele, John: Why are your comments not buggy anymore? The miau mio stuff is starting to get to me though. Why are you doing that?

Anyway, I figured you might like to hear about something else that sick German children’s books and dreamlike princes for a a change, so I’ll update you on my private life a little instead.

Ever since the club incident, I haven’t been to school – one month already, and the month in which all the finals are written. Yay, huh? Well, the police wasn’t amused about Officers private and unsuccessful little side project, so his boss now told him to stop it if he doesn’t want to endanger his job and the ones of everyone involved. Some of his friends who helped him were scared enough to give in to that threat and without them, his team is too small to watch over me daily.

I helped his conscience a little by lying about the roses and telling him that I didn’t get any more for a few days now.  Of course I did though, my Prince would never forget that!<3

Well, the principal wasn’t exactly happy when he learned that Officer had excused me all the time without official permission, but Dad, Officer and he talked and agreed that I wasn’t to blame for that.  So they decided that I’m allowed to write the finals at home in the beginning of the summer holidays. A teacher will come over and stay with me during the writing to make sure I don’t cheat. The way Dad described it, even the principal was kinda worried about me. There are some nice people around, huh?

Speaking of which, Dad is incredibly busy recently. He says that he suddenly gets tons of customers everyday, mostly people he never saw around before who order things he has to order himself because they’re so special (like some particular Japanese markers for painting and stuff). So he needs to come earlier to the store (to receive the deliveries) and close later and if he’s at home at all, he’s busy on the computer and telephone all the time, trying to get things I’ve never heard of before for his customers.
It makes me a little bit sad because we don’t do or watch stuff together anymore, but on the other hand, I’m asleep most of the time. My dreams are just so wonderful… I always meet up with him and then we take a walk somewhere (mostly in the rose garden) or go to nice cafés (they are empty aside from us, but there’s always cake and coffee on the tables) and such stuff. And he cheers me up, oh so much…

Last night, I really had a phase in which I was down and sad and thought that I was just imagining everything. I don’t remember how the dream I had started out, but my memory starts at a point where we were talking to each other and I remember a bit of the conversation really clearly.

Me: “…I mean – did I really think that there were such things as Princes on white horses who come to me in my dreams?”
He: “Yes. ‘Cause that’s exactly how you think. That’s perfect.”
Me:  “Perfect is so hard! And it doesn’t prepare you for disappointment.”
He: “Well, if it helps… you still look adorable, even when you’re disappointed.”

I can’t remember anything after that snippet, but it was so nice and comforting to hear that from Him. I now believe and trust in Him even more than before.
It all felt so familiar.<3

I’m sorry, I babbled about Him again… I just can’t contain myself.

So, I told you about Officer, my school… Dad… Oh, not all about Dad! Incidentally, he’s got a big  from another enterprise (didn’t quite catch what it was) so he’ll do his first business trip ever soon to help his customers choose the right material for everything and so on. So yeah – no Officer and no Dad for at least two or three days.
Of course Dad had to get a babysitter though. :( As if I was, like, ten or something.

I’ll report back in tomorrow (tired as hell again…). Have a nice one, guys!

Bye, internet!

Doodles

Hey, internet!

[I wrote that whole thing yesterday, but I accidentally clicked Save Draft. So you have it belatedly.]

Wow, what’s wrong with WordPress? Adele, John – your comments are all garbled up for some reason (don’t believe me? See for yourself). I could barely read them, but think I got the gist – thank you for your empowerment. I don’t quite get why I have to stay alone in that room, but I’m going to trust you and my Prince. :)

Now on to what I wanted to do since yesterday – the new doodles. Everytime I fell asleep and woke up again there were new ones.

The first one, I mentioned it in "Randomly awake at Night"

The second one, I found it later on.

And the third one. I found it today when I woke up.

(Did I ever tell you that the alternate title of the book is “Funny pictures and wacky stories for children”? Burning people sure are funny as hell, huh?)

Something that really confuses me is how the symbol that Brute drew is all over this stuff again. But his murderers did it to. So I’m not quite sure what to read into this…

I can also type the text here which is circled. I’m a bit too tired to translate it now but I can probably give you a very short rough summary.

Paulinchen war allein zu Haus,
Die Eltern waren beide aus.
Als sie nun durch das Zimmer sprang
Mit leichtem Mut und Sing und Sang,
Da sah sie plötzlich vor sich stehn
Ein Feuer[blackened out] nett anzusehn.
“Ei”, sprach sie, “ei, wie schön und fein!”
[The last three lines aren’t in the circle anymore.]

This was the first one from “Sorry”. The first one from this post is from the same story.

Doch weh! Die Flamme faßt das Kleid,
Die Schürze brennt; es leuchtet weit.
Es brennt die Hand, es brennt das Haar,
Es brennt das ganze Kind sogar.

Und Minz und Maunz, die schreien
Gar jämmerlich zu zweien:
“Herbei! Herbei! Wer hilft geschwind?
In Feuer steht das ganze Kind!
Miau! Mio! Miau! Mio!
Zu Hilf’! das Kind brennt lichterloh!”

That story is about a girl called Paulinchen who plays with the lighter of her parents and sets herself aflame. There’s not much more to it – she plays, starts to burn and burns to death.

The second one from “Sorry doesn’t actually circle any text, so I won’t transcribe it…

The other pictures are from the story of three boys who mock a little black boy because of his skin color. Santa Clause comes and dunks them in black ink so they’re even blacker than the boy they mocked (I know, I know right? The Germans have a strange view of “wacky”…).

The circled text is:

Es ging spazieren vor dem Tor
Ein kohlpechrabenschwarzer M[rest of the word crossed out and replaced with “ann”]

Gosh, I’m getting tired again. Actually I wanted to update you about my school life too, but I guess that has to wait until tomorrow since I’m close to falling asleep on my keyboard all of a sudden…

Bye, internet!

Dirty little Secret

Hey, internet!

Sorry that I didn’t update during the holidays, but Granny doesn’t have a computer. She wouldn’t need it herself and she’s right when she says that Dad and me need to “unplug” a little whenever we visit her. So I only had my cellphone and while I could have updated via email or cell phone browser, I was a) too lazy to type long entries on the small keyboard and b) didn’t want to deny Granny a little Fiona time for the time being. Also, c) nothing really happened, but it’s not as if that has ever stopped me before, right?

So yeah, you might have noticed that I don’t sound as emo-y as I did last week, right? Well, I decided to be less mopey and everything. No one accused me for being a horrible person yet, I didn’t get harassed at school yet and my family still loves me. I’ll be fine.

Oh, also! I got my cell phone back from the police! And the blog is deleted from my bookmarks there. I wish I could ask Berry or Officer if Brute did that but… yeah.

Now the reason for me not updating right away yesterday. Guess who called me as soon as I got home? Yep, that’s right – Story!<3

It was a lucky coincidence that he called right when I entered the door. But there are some exciting news. Only you won’t be able to be excited because I can’t tell them to you yet. That’s right, we have a secret now. Everything else in the title is lies and slender though, it’s neither dirty nor little – I just like the song. You will learn on Sunday, depending on how everything turns out.

Apart from the secret we talked about everything and nothing until we had to go to sleep. I was really tired from the travel back already, so I just flopped on my bed and fell asleep. But checking my views today, I saw that nobody cared anyway, so I only feel guilty a very little bit. Maybe it’s understandable after my last blogpost though… (The few views I mean.)

Also, I want to finally thank my second fabulous person. Hey Her, welcome to the fabulous side of life, thankyousomuchImightloveyoualittlebitnow. Her blog is very fabulous, you should totally check it out: http://hernotepad.wordpress.com/

There is really not much more to tell you about. I still miss my friends, I still envy them for being friends with each other, I still have my guilt episodes about Brute. But it’s getting more okay by the day. And I don’t want to constantly mope at you – especially not now that I have to look good in the eyes of my new Fabulous Person!

I have to get back to scribbling stuff now. Important, secret stuff, hehe. You will see it later – gosh I am so giddy about it!<3

Goodnight now, internet!

PS: Fabulous Score – 4. Damn, I have to step up a little, haven’t I? ;P

PPS: 5 now!

Almost there

Only tomorrow left. No more school then until Monday.

I won’t lie. I feel… horrible. I am ashamed for what I’ve done, or rather, for what I didn’t do, which is reply to my friends’ emails. Why didn’t I do that? What in the world made me feel so special that I thought I could just ignore their messages?

I don’t know. I just know that I feel incredibly bad for that now. It’s like heartache. Or even worse. When a guy rejected me, at least I had friends who built me up again. Comforted me with ice cream and visits to the cinema and sleepovers and pillow fights. I miss all of that so much. I miss my girls. I miss them.

It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t have to see them all the time at school, being together at all times. They don’t pick on me or anything. But I don’t know if the cold ignorance they show towards me isn’t even worse. If they’d tease me, at least they’d be acknowledging me. But they don’t. Like, at all. I seem to be thin air around them. I was so much more to them for so long, how can I just suddenly be nothing?

I feel as if I’ve become invisible, as if I actually didn’t exist at all.

Except for Story.

School time still has a kind of surreal feeling to it. Because everything seems to be upside down all of a sudden. My friends ignore me, but Story now dares to approach me more often. And why should I reject that, now that I have lost everything I’d have to lose anyway? Instead, I try to smile for him a little bit, to help him through his problems.

He doesn’t even know that he keeps me going, I guess. But he does. For everyone else, I was that popular girl and now I am nothing. For him, I begin to hope that I always was and always will be… Fiona.

It’s kind of my own fault for deluding everyone, isn’t it? Actually, I’m not even sure if the Fiona that Story knows is the real one anymore. Maybe it’s just another facade I wasn’t even aware of.

And you probably have no idea what I’m talking about half the time, poor internet.

When I was little, the grown-ups would always tell me that I had a special gift. Dad called it “Fionamancy”. It’s basically simply that I got along with people very well – especially with adults. I just knew how they wanted a child to be. Cute, nice, quiet and sweet. So when I was bouncing around in my pink little dresses with blond little pigtails and big green eyes, beaming at them like a content kitty, they simply adored me and went out of their way to do whatever I liked.

This knack for people just stuck. I still have it. I meet another person and after talking for a while, looking at that person and everything, I just figure them out somehow. At least a bit. Enough to know what parts of me that person will like and dislike, and to behave accordingly. I never went really far with it, not further than… well, okay, not any further than getting into the clique of popular girls. But I tried to never abuse it. Because that’s what someone else did who I once… knew, and I learned from their mistakes.

There. I told it to someone. I never did that before.

And I don’t know if it feels good yet. Or if it was a good decision.

Getting people’s affection easily has its downside. I never know if they really like me, or just… who I pretend to be. It is not quite lying because… I don’t really lie. Lying and direct pretending don’t work for some reason. Strange, huh? I had a phase when I did that to be one of the cool kids, and it ended in a pretty bad crash landing. But just filtering yourself, shutting up about certain parts of yourself, and instead emphasizing the parts that people approve of more – that works. Because you’re still honest about the parts that you show. Just… not absolutely faithful to the truth.

I feel ashamed for it. Honestly. I sometimes feel as if it was an evil superpower and I wasn’t supposed to use it. But it’s actually the one and only thing I really can. I’m neither an artist nor an athlete, and certainly not a genius. All I really do is feel and understand feelings. If I didn’t use this one ability… I would just be nothing. Nothing at all, not even Story’s new best friend.

It’s not entirely bad, you know? I can determine well when people need to talk about something. I’m good at listening to them. I kind of have a knack for giving them advice. I know it reads like an excuse. But that’s because I feel a little bit bad now, before the eyes of the only… people I trust and open up to.

I’ll just post it now, though. This is kind of what I wanted from the very beginning. And if everything goes wrong, I can still delete this and go on with my life.

Please don’t hate me, internet.

Bye.

Some Clarification

Hey, internet.

I’m sorry for not updating yesterday as I said I would, but it simply wasn’t such a good day for me. Nothing happened in particular that made me feel bad, I just… have some times when everything that happened the past few weeks kicks in again, especially thursday. So I didn’t do anything yesterday.

Dad is really sweet to me. I pity him for having to tell all my friends  that I can’t talk at the moment when they call on the phone, although I’m sitting and watching movies more or less right next to him while he does that. When he’s home at all, I should say. He needs to spend a lot of time working, so most of the day I can just let the phone ring until it stops.

Yesterday he came home earlier though. He’s the owner of a little store for artistic needs, so he always stays there after closing to do some paperwork, restocking and whatnot. It already makes me feel grateful that he seemingly skipped all that yesterday and went straight home.

He didn’t do much. There’s not much one can do. But he ordered some pizza, knowing exactly which one I’d like the most and without a comment sat down next to me on my bed while I watched “Alice in Wonderland”. Yes, he didn’t do anything. But he was there, and somehow, that alone was enough for me. I could snuggle up to him a little and sometimes I would cry a bit and he would pet my head, and sometimes I would just lie there and feel not-alone. In the end, I even fell asleep snuggled up to him, having weird Alice in Wonderland dreams (naturally… I’m going to tell you about it, although I don’t know if I will do it today or tomorrow). And when I woke up, he had tucked me in and put a little plushie on my nightstand, with a note saying: “Leftovers are in the fridge. Love you, Princess” and a cute smiley beneath.

I love you too, Dad. Very much so.

Well, uhm, that said I read over my last blogpost again today and realised that I totally forgot about quite some details, which made it sound… strange. I’m going to try and clarify things a bit, just in case you wondered (because I did if I’d care, and people seem to care about my blog).

1.) How do I know that the police have my cell phone? Easy, they told me in the interrogation room. Of course they weren’t like “Oh, Miss, by the way – we found your cell, you might want to have it back?” but rather… pointed out that it’s a strange coincidence they found the person who stalked me for a while murdered and then found him being in possession of my cell phone.

2.) How did they know it was mine? Because I actually have a little glittering sticker on it, saying “Fiona’s Fabulous FPhone!” There wasn’t much thinking to do I guess.

3.) If Brute found the blog via the cell phone and the police have it, why would I think that they don’t know about the blog? I never said that. I’m not going to tell them about the blog myself, that’s all. My views are quite high recently, so maybe there are some of the officers reading through it already. But they didn’t mention it to me yet, so I won’t mention it too and not give up hope it’s still a place for me and me alone. Well, and you, internet.

4.) Do I actually have anything to do with Brute’s death? No, and since that was so natural for me, I must have totally forgotten that no one can see into my memories and see that while writing. Reading my last few entries, I’d suspect myself of really being involved with the murder, just because I didn’t comment on that, like, at all. Since it’s possible that a policeman will soon slap me with a printout of my blog and ask me how I did it, I should maybe do it now, though. No. I didn’t kill him. At least not actively or voluntarily. I was at home the night they found him, I did my homework and went to sleep at a reasonable time to go to school the next day. I blame myself for making him feel the way he did towards me, and maybe not reciprocrating his feelings, and not talking to him when I had the chance to do it. I blame myself for not having stopped him from going outside that night, for not checking on the blog that evening, for not… stopping him from going out and being murdered. But I did not harm him and I didn’t encourage anyone to do it.

Something else about Brute: I don’t know if people can see who’s part of the blogs “team” or not, but he somehow added himself there to write the blogpost. And I’ll keep the account in there. I wouldn’t know much about how else I could make a memento for him, and I want to remember him and what I indirectly did to him. I liked him and looking at the blogpost I see what I liked about him shine through, as well as in his username. Both of which I should keep in mind. So I will keep that little bit of him close to me, and this blog – especially the admin center – is more or less as close as it gets. I think he would like that.

I’ll better stop writing here for now.

Bye, internet.

Le update

Hey internet!

Sorry for me not posting earlier, but I kind of didn’t want everything I wrote to be shoved into the “April’s Fools” corner. So I waited until today.

There’s not much to tell, either, but at least the few things are good news. I found out a bit more about Brute’s condition, although I don’t quite know what to make of it. Someone commented on my blog and seemed to know the things on his notes. I checked on her blog in turn and it sounds very much as if the monster he drew was the “Black King” out of a strategy game or MMORPG or I’mjustthrowingrandomwordsforgamesIdon’tknowbecauseIneverplayedthemoutthere.  I’m not sure what kind of game it is yet, though, because Thage (the commenter) didn’t answer my questions about that yet. But either way, it creeps me out a little bit less now in hindsight. I’ll just ask Story about it.

Who I didn’t have much opportunity to talk to this week because so many of the cool kids at school decided to be born in March/April and I have to attend birthday surprise party preparation meetings like every fifth minute. :(

My cell phone is still missing, but no new notes so far. Which is nice and the main reason for me being so upbeat today. Maybe Brute just had… I dunno, a rough patch and calmed down. Would be nice. Maybe he just wanted to pull a prank on me. Would be nice, too. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much too quickly.

The grades on the project with Story were good as well, I could answer some extra questions without any problem (thank you Story! You’re so fabulous<3) and thus might get a slightly better mark in German overall. Also: Breakfast lesson soon! Yay!

Even my dreams have gotten better. No nightmares so far. Just a really cute dream in which I was a Disney princess and spending a sparkly, pink, unicorn-rainbow-fartingly happy day with my princess friends. Hooray, sleep!

Okay, I need to go offline now though. Surprise birthday party at Barbie’s tomorrow. *sigh*

bye, internet!

In which I am both relieved and freaked out

Obviously, Brute doesn’t know about the blog and didn’t tell anyone. I asked Story some stealthy questions and also talked to Barbie (yeah, go figure why I nickname her that…), who couldn’t stay quiet about it for the life of her. None of the two seemed to know about the blog, so it will stay. Rejoice, internet!

I also decided to have a long conversation with Berry and to tell her about Brute maybe-stalking me. I should maybe elaborate: Berry is the daughter of a police officer. I don’t know if there’s a connection, but of all my friends, she’s the one who can shut up about things best. Sometimes I wish she would have grown up living with her father instead of her mother – they are divorced – so she would be more… yeah, more like me I guess. But her mother simply had the money to fight for custody until she had it. Big inheritance from somewhere, complete with a marriage settlement that didn’t leave so much as a cent for Berrys father. So Berry only visits her father every now and then. Incidentally, she sometimes takes me with her, because I’m the one of our clique that knows how to behave right around him the most. I can understand that. While the other girls simply can relate better to a wealthy heiress with an appropriate life style, I can relate best to a single father who needs to ponder every bigger expense. So I am kind of close to that part of the family and… I just know that Officer (yeah, I’m nickname lazy like that) wouldn’t talk about this to my Dad if I didn’t want him to.

Well, I told Berry about Brute, not as elaborate as I did here of course (she’s a bit more trustworthy than the others, but still shares a lot of their opinions on the invisible line between cool kids and the others…), and she suggested that we’d just visit her father together tomorrow, since she wanted to go to the movies with him anyway. Now I’m a bit nervous about talking to Officer tomorrow, but I feel good about hopefully getting some professional advice.

Berry also gave me one as well. She said I should make digital copies of the drawings and store them online, which surprised me first, but when I asked her about it, she said: “You know, the internet does never forget anything. Especially pictures. Even if someone deletes them, chances are that someone else downloaded them already and uploaded them elsewhere. My Dad keeps having problems with that when the pictures are made for harassing and bullying people – but in this case you could use that effect for something positive instead.”

That actually made a lot of sense to me. So I was fabulously sneaky today and used the scanner in my dad’s office to digitalize them. So here’s a plea to you, internet – maybe especially you, Fabulous Person if you still are with me. Please do download this stuff and keep it. And if anything happens, help me out with it. Please.

The first two notes Brute delivered to me and the fourth one.

The third note from Brute.

I got this note today at school. He somehow managed to tape it to my seat. Thanks to God I got if off before anyone saw it.

The last one makes me most nervous. The “O”s look just like the symbol that flickered over the princes head in my dream. Which is too strange a coincidence for my taste. This is also the reason for me talking to Berry at all.

That’s probably enough for today. Have a nice one, internet!