Good God…

Hey, internet!

I acted like an idiot yet again. :( My social knack only seems to apply for people I don’t have an intense crush on.

Since Story didn’t update his blog for so long, I worried a bit and wanted to call him. I should at least have had the decency of not doing it while He was around.
He’s more sensitive to my intentions and thoughts than you would know. I called a few people today to organise different things (like Fiance and Barbie), but He immediately knew who I wanted to call when I reached for the telephone this time. I barely touched it when I felt that familiar dizziness and when I looked up His “hand” hovered over mine, as if He was about to hold it down, and He faced me with that slight head-tilt.

Gosh, He’s been so patient all along and I didn’t even have enough brain to assume that maybe He was actually hurt and jealous by my efforts to talk to Story again and maybe He just was modest and catered to my needs because He wanted me to be happy and maybe I’m being a self-centered idiot again. And by maybe, I mean totally.
That just makes Him at least double as sweet. He didn’t show all along that I hurt Him… God, he probably was relieved when I finally stopped trying to call Story that day I came back. And then I started again and He just couldn’t stand to watch it anymore… And I can understand that – if He was in my place and a girl He had a crush on would tell the world she liked Him too, I wouldn’t be happy about Him trying to get to her either.

Now I feel so bad about it… I apologized everytime I saw Him since then. But it’s so hard to know what He’s thinking. I wonder if He’s still hurt… And if there is any way to fix that.

He watches over me, He gives me money, thanks to Him I have my friends back… And I’m just being a jerk and a parasite. Ngh!

Fancy

Hey, internet!

Studying still eats a lot of my time, but at least everything around the inheritance is said and done. Now I’ve got so much money that I couldn’t spend it all in a lifetime.

Or maybe I could… ;)

I’ve pondered applying for a godchild somewhere abroad. You know, one of those programs where you donate monthly for a child to enable proper education and living for it. But I’m a bit at loss there… Can you help me out a little with which programs are reliable? I wouldn’t like for most of the money to  flow into the organizations pockets…

Apart from that, I think I will get a new house for Dad and me. A house is always a good investment. :) And then, after the exams, I might invite my friends for a shopping spree!<3 We have more contact now, mostly via email and telephone, and they are all eager to see me again.

Also, Mister C. showed me something fancy: He actually taught me to hide stuff from the perception of others. I know, it sounds like a superpower, but it’s really more like hypnosis or something. I did it to Dad so he won’t ever stumble upon the blog – which is convenient because now I can actually bookmark it. Or just leave it open.
I wonder if Mister C. is pranking me with that too, though. The past few days he tends to suddenly turn around and talk to himself, sometimes even to argue and yell. Or maybe that’s not the right expression – he argues with and talks to thin air is more it. Which is especially strange since he actually is a very serious person and impresses me with his knowledge and manners (he can be quite the gentleman). I try to take everything he says with a grain of salt, but I still feel a bit as if he was my mentor and I his student. Gee, I don’t know.

The only depressing thing is the funeral. Well, not so much the funeral itself as the preparations, because I spend a lot of time with Fiance now. And it’s a really weird feeling to spend so much time with someone you are actually so “close” to and yet don’t know at all. He doesn’t seem to be comfortable around me either, which I can understand. Just imagine that your fiancee dies and suddenly you get to know a whole new family she had all the time. Obviously she didn’t mention us sooner, so that’s a double shock. I really try to be nice and welcoming to him to help him cope with the situation, but I’m just a stranger. Poor guy. :(

I can’t help but feel as if I was floating, though. Wherever I go, I feel my Prince near me, which is so comforting! Sometimes I turn around from doing something and He suddenly stands behind me, His arms slightly raised and His head tilted as if He hopes for a hug. I tried to give Him one once or twice, but whenever I touch Him I start feeling dizzy again. So usually I just blow Him a kiss and smile.
My sweet Prince. <3

I need to study again now. :( But I hope to be free more often for new blogposts now.

Bye, internet!

Finally a calm Moment…

Hey, internet!

My past weeks were pretty crammed with all kinds of stuff, but mostly studying. As I told you, I’m going to do my exams at home – but, well, I missed like two or three months of school due to the whole stuff with Brute. Which means that first I have to study, and study a lot. Dad and Mister C. took care of getting me a private tutor, who comes over almost every day to catch up on subject matter with me. The results are fairly good – I took my English exam today and felt pretty secure about most of it. But most of the time, I feel as if my head was a balloon filled to bursting with water. And the little time left over after studying, I had to spend on the whole paperwork for getting the inheritance. Obviously my mother didn’t exactly pass away naturally, which complicates things. And since her fiancé isn’t exactly rolling in dollars, I decided to cover the costs of the funeral myself, so that’s also occupying me.

Yes, I am conscious about the possibility that my Prince killed her.
No, even if He did, I wouldn’t hold a grudge.

I think I should explain that to you, though.

My parents married at a pretty young age, and they loved each other very, very much. They both loved art, and I know that my Dad still has a file full of pictures he drew of her back when they were together in the cellar. He wanted to be an artist back then, and she liked to be his muse.
They both were pretty rational though. They decided to marry, move together and then just see if they really got along with each other before they wanted to start a family. They spent a few years having a great marriage, so when protection failed for once and they discovered that I was on the way, they decided to keep me.

Even as a baby I was a Daddys child. I would always be grumpy and moody when he wasn’t around, and calm down when he picked me up – at least that’s what he told me. And he loved me very much, too, made always sure to greet me right away when he came home from work (I think he might have had the store back then already…) and play with me a little before he did anything else. He says that that might be what bothered my mother so much. Suddenly, she was only a close second to me when it came to affection, all his attention was focused on me. He still feels pretty guilty about it.

For some reason, my mother was usually good at handling people, but she couldn’t solve that situation. Dad never told me if she worked up the courage to talk to him about it at all, but whatever she did to try, she couldn’t change that he showed more affection towards me than her. I mean, I was a baby and she apparently started to take it out on me a little by not taking care of my every little problem immediately. So of course Daddy always had a reason to be around me, feeding me, washing me, playing with me or changing my diapers. And that made it all worse.

One day, I became very sick. My mother must really have been shocked, because suddenly she took care of me, went to the hospital with me, and was showered with praise for having reacted so quickly and well. She even told that to my Dad. And then I became sick more often, started to get injured randomly a lot and my mother would always patch me up or bring me to the doctor, and nurse me back to health. Daddy was happy and proud about his wife having made peace with me and he paid more attention to her. And one day he wanted to show her his appreciation by coming home earlier and bringing a babysitter right along, to “kidnap her for dinner”.

When he came home with the girl who was supposed to babysit, the first thing he heard was me screaming. He hurried in, worried that an intruder would threaten my mother and me. And he caught her holding me in a tight grip and shoving me into splinters of glass on the floor like  madwoman.

I’m not sure if I can really blame her. When she was arrested, the doctors diagnosed “Munchhausen syndrome by proxy”. And I was a toddler, therefore can’t really remember anything of it, although I felt nauseous when I found the file with the pictures of her.

Dad got divorced from her and he didn’t learn about what happened to her afterwards. She never tried to contact us. Her fiancé recently told me that they were about to marry, and that they had planned to start a family together.

You know how I talked about my little knack and how I said that I knew someone who abused it? Take an educated guess as to who it was. During the time of the divorce, my Dad lost almost all of his friends because they all thought that he was a liar and that my mother could only be absolutely innocent.

Almost all of you seem to be so sure about what my Prince is and what He isn’t. But truth is that you don’t know. You don’t know His motivations. You are so sure that the ones He kills are innocent victims. And that a horrible fate awaits those who vanish. But everything I learned about Him up until now is that He thinks in a way that is difficult to comprehend. And He knows things we don’t. My Dad didn’t know about my mothers darker side, he never even suspected her before he saw it with his own eyes. Maybe there’s a side to the people He seeks out that you don’t know of, a dark side. Maybe He tends to watch people for so long because He hesitates, because He gives fate a chance to take another turn. Maybe He only kills when He has to, and maybe He only does it for us. To protect children yet unborn.

Maybe He doesn’t even kill at all.
I found out that Brute found his end when he bothered one of His attendants too much, who was psychologically unstable enough to snap that hard. Apparently Bruce wanted to make a deal with the devil with my Prince – joining forces and get me as a partner/my attention/my love/no one knows his exact wishes and I don’t dare guessing around anymore as a reward or payment. According to Mister C., my Prince didn’t want Brutes service and definitely didn’t want to give me away like a pile of money. But Brute didn’t give up and pestered Person-I-still-don’t-know enough for them to lose it. Nobody wanted it to escalate, but it just did. That does neither justify nor excuse a murder, but I can understand how it happened and most importantly, I now know that it wasn’t my Prince who did it.

Okay, I have to go now. Fiancé (every other nickname I can think of just sounds silly…) is here and we need to go and choose a coffin for my mother together.

Bye, internet!

Reporting in

Hi, internet!

I’m terribly sorry that I didn’t write for a while. But I’m awfully busy at the moment with both studying and the inheritance thing. Granted, first I put off posting a bit because I was about to rage at oshnaa for his rude comments. Thank you, John and Riddles, for your comments. I’m going to address that topic again next time, but I’m too tired and everything now.

Sorry again! I try not to put this off for too long!

Bye, internet!

So

Story has decided to go all “I BLAME YOU AND HATE YOU AND SULK AROUND!” on me. I called him up so often today, it’s not even funny anymore. I’m really sorry for his poor parents who had to act as if he wasn’t at home.
Why do I assume that he was? Because his mother didn’t grip the recording part of the phone firmly enough to muffle his voice entirely when she told him that I called.

Jerk!

In other news, something big happened today. Do you remember this post? In that case, you might also remember the man who gave me that envelope?
Well, he came to visit us today. I’ll simply call him Mister C. here.

I’m not even quite sure how everything is connected here, but my Prince must have sent him one way or another. Mr. C. is pretending to be my mother’s lawyer at the moment and, well… she died recently.
I’m not quite sure how to take that yet.
Anyway, her last will was that I inherit her money – which apparently is a ridiculously huge amount.

I wanted to be wealthy. There I have it.

Mister C. is going to stay around and to help me with accepting and receiving the inheritance. I have mixed feelings, but I think mostly I am happy, both for the end of our financial struggles and for the fact that my Prince made His promises come true.
I know that sounds strange because it’s my mother who died and she was newly engaged but… I didn’t see her for most of my life, I can barely remember her. And I rather wouldn’t. Maybe I’ll tell you about her sometime, but anyway I was surprised that she thought about me at all. Actually, I suspect that she didn’t, and my Prince was the one who made everything turn out that way.

The thing muffling my joy most is actually Mister C. Maybe it’s just because of his looks – he looks… kinda like Hispanic or Native American or Latin American or so and is about as old as my Dad I guess… so forty-something? Fifty-something? – and something about those black eyes is just totally intimidating. He always looks so serious, too.

And then, of course, there is the fact that he seems to know stuff about Brute’s death.

I’m actually kinda glad that he stays close, because it means that I can ask him about it. Maybe there actually is a good explanation for everything.

As to my Prince Himself, by the way… He still sends me the roses, the latest one He put on my chest while I slept. When I woke up, I saw His “face” hovering over me while He stood bent over my bed. I think He might have sung His song for me again, because I think I can faintly remember it. I bet He pondered if He should kiss me, but then decided against (I felt faint due to His presence already, he probably didn’t want me to pass out for another week) and when I blinked as He stood, He vanished.

It’s nice to know that He watches over me in my sleep. I feel so much safer now.
Heh, and there they go, all the bad feelings. Replaced by the butterflies in my stomach.<3

Bye, internet

Last Tuesday

Hey, internet.

I had some sleep now and feel a little, like… tidier in my head. So yeah, here is what happened after my last blogpost:

I wrote a little goodbye letter to Daddy. Not much, just a few words about not looking for me and stuff. Also, I deleted all cookies and the history of my browser so Dad wouldn’t find the blog (I’m no pro, but I’ve been to a few forums and learned this and that about that stuff). After that, I went outside as I said. It was really strange since I passed the living room where my babysitter supposedly sat in, but it looked empty to me although everyone says that she watched TV in there at the time I disappeared.

However, He waited outside for me, beckoning me with his strange arms. They looked a bit like snakes, movement-wise – and I was really, really afraid about what He had planned for me. I went to Him though and then He pointed into a direction down the street and I knew He wanted me to go there. I could feel a limb of His hovering just over my shoulder all the time while I walked, felt His presence right behind me. It was a confusing feeling, because I was scared at first, but something about Him was soothing. Almost as if He oozed a lullaby or so.

We went just out of town, into the woods that surround the while place – I’ll give it the nickname Pleasantville. Yep, after the movie. Anyway, He led me to a clearing which seemed oddly familiar to me and there He just started to stand still and look at me, slightly tilting His head. For a moment, I wanted to be relieved about Him not doing anything else.

But then, He unfolded His tentacles. Or vines. I don’t really know. They spread everywhere, over the whole clearing, creeped up the trees and even snaked around me, until I felt them only inches away from me. Do you remember how I felt faint-ish when I took in the roses? I felt like that, only more intense, and it wasn’t helping that those tendrils seemes to be closing in on me. I must have stared at Him like a frightened bunny…
As soon as everything in sight seemed to be covered in those black tentacles, they stopped moving for a few moments. It was then that I discovered, on the vines right in front of my chest, that they had those weird little… knobs on them. And the very instant I realized that those little knobs existed – they all bloomed into wonderful, black rose blossoms.

Yes. He is the Prince from my dreams.

At first I didn’t want to believe it, but He held out His hand to me just like my Prince did, and when I finally dared taking it He gently lead me into dancing motions, just like those in the Disney movies. Oh yeah, and I think He sang for me. There was music. His song. It was wonderful. Strange and unfamiliar, but so wonderful. I felt fainter by the second, but yet, I couldn’t help but finally see through all those things that disturb the eye about Him at first sight and see how gracefully He moved, how much… presence He had.

It’s tragic that His touch doesn’t seem to be made for humans, since I was almost passing out when we stopped dancing. He supported my back with His arms when I became to weak to stay upright and the last thing I remember is that His, uh, “face” came closer to mine until all went black.

When I woke up, I was here in my room. Daddy just came in and looked so sadly at me that at first I thought I had done something to upset him – I couldn’t remember the night right away. But as soon as I asked him, his face first looked shocked, then brightened up and he hugged me as if I had been in New Zealand or something.
I didn’t know that I was gone for almost a week. I mean wow… I can only remember that one night. I think other things might have happened, or I had a vivid dream, because I feel as if there are some details I don’t remember anymore… For example, I am sure that at some point, He said to me that I wasn’t supposed to fear Him and that I was His Princess and He would make me His Queen. Or something along those lines. But I can’t for the life of my recover when and how He said that.

He didn’t harm me in any way. Quite the opposite… I feel fully recovered from my constant tiredness/insomnia and when I slept today, my dreams were pleasant and calm. Only my throat is a quite a bit sore, but I doubt that that comes from too passionate frenching with Him. I rather blame the cold outside during the nights. It’s really annoying though, I can barey talk at the moment.

So what did I tell Dad? Huh, I don’t think that he would approve of my new…
Oh gosh it feels so awesome to type that.
Of my new boyfriend. EEEEEH!<3

He doesn’t feel like a boy at all though. Of my Man? Beloved? I think Prince or King will do.

Yeah, Daddy would probably not approve of Him, so I told him that I couldn’t remember what happened anymore. That’s at least 75% truth! And I have to figure out how to break it to him that my… Prince happens to be an ancient supernatural being.

Gosh, He probably kissed me. And I missed it all!

Anyway, now you know everything! Honestly, I don’t think people need to be afraid of Him actually. He is so… gentle and radiant with elegance…

And so beautiful in His own way. And He chose me! Gosh I am so giddy… I really think I am in love. No, I know it. And it’s fabulous!

Bye, internet!

Hey, internet

I’m back. Sorry to have had you worried.

I’ll reply to the new comments and tell you everything later. Just don’t worry anymore everyone. I’m fine. Fabulous even.

Have to cut this short now. Daddy is all over me and I don’t want to hurt his feelings with preferring the computer over him right now.  Just wanted to tell you guys that I am okay right now.

Bye, internet.