So

Story has decided to go all “I BLAME YOU AND HATE YOU AND SULK AROUND!” on me. I called him up so often today, it’s not even funny anymore. I’m really sorry for his poor parents who had to act as if he wasn’t at home.
Why do I assume that he was? Because his mother didn’t grip the recording part of the phone firmly enough to muffle his voice entirely when she told him that I called.

Jerk!

In other news, something big happened today. Do you remember this post? In that case, you might also remember the man who gave me that envelope?
Well, he came to visit us today. I’ll simply call him Mister C. here.

I’m not even quite sure how everything is connected here, but my Prince must have sent him one way or another. Mr. C. is pretending to be my mother’s lawyer at the moment and, well… she died recently.
I’m not quite sure how to take that yet.
Anyway, her last will was that I inherit her money – which apparently is a ridiculously huge amount.

I wanted to be wealthy. There I have it.

Mister C. is going to stay around and to help me with accepting and receiving the inheritance. I have mixed feelings, but I think mostly I am happy, both for the end of our financial struggles and for the fact that my Prince made His promises come true.
I know that sounds strange because it’s my mother who died and she was newly engaged but… I didn’t see her for most of my life, I can barely remember her. And I rather wouldn’t. Maybe I’ll tell you about her sometime, but anyway I was surprised that she thought about me at all. Actually, I suspect that she didn’t, and my Prince was the one who made everything turn out that way.

The thing muffling my joy most is actually Mister C. Maybe it’s just because of his looks – he looks… kinda like Hispanic or Native American or Latin American or so and is about as old as my Dad I guess… so forty-something? Fifty-something? – and something about those black eyes is just totally intimidating. He always looks so serious, too.

And then, of course, there is the fact that he seems to know stuff about Brute’s death.

I’m actually kinda glad that he stays close, because it means that I can ask him about it. Maybe there actually is a good explanation for everything.

As to my Prince Himself, by the way… He still sends me the roses, the latest one He put on my chest while I slept. When I woke up, I saw His “face” hovering over me while He stood bent over my bed. I think He might have sung His song for me again, because I think I can faintly remember it. I bet He pondered if He should kiss me, but then decided against (I felt faint due to His presence already, he probably didn’t want me to pass out for another week) and when I blinked as He stood, He vanished.

It’s nice to know that He watches over me in my sleep. I feel so much safer now.
Heh, and there they go, all the bad feelings. Replaced by the butterflies in my stomach.<3

Bye, internet

Back Home

Hey, internet.

Just came back from the club.

Weirdest night ever.

And it doesn’t help that I just thought I saw something move in the shadows around my house. It was probably just a cat. But it was so quick and quiet that I really jumped. I guess being a big fan of Disney and avoiding horror movies on every opportunity doesn’t make me very paranoia-proof.

Okay. I’ll get myself a little glass of water and then type a neat little summary.

Better.  Okay, I’ll try to start after the makeover (because that’s what I did to Story when he arrived at my house).

Officer drove us close to the club. He stayed close, but out of sight – we had him on quick dial and were supposed to call him if anything happened. So inside the freaky stuff happened… There was a bunch of people there who had a child with them. Who brings a child to a gothic-ish club at night? I don’t know. But that child started staring at me. Children do that sometimes, I know, but it was creepy how it looked. I don’t want to describe it, I don’t even want to think about it for long, just… it’s one of the reasons for me being so jumpy for sure. So, all of this started to happen when Story and me actually started having kind of a good time. As in: He was extremly shy and everything, but I felt as if I got closer to him. Then he notices those people, but doesn’t tell me if he recognises anyone of them and – get this – suddenly just runs out of there, leaving me right in the middle of the dance floor.

I… yes, I may have used the opportunity of asking him if he knew the people to get a little bit closer to him. So, together with what happened afterwards, I’ll just take it as a no, Fi, I’m not into you.

So he barges out, I turn around because I didn’t want to go right after him in my frustration overload and this child stands behind me! Right behind me, like in a horror movie or so, staring at me like… I don’t even know! I mean, yes I turned away from it for a second, but not for long enough to walk over to me! And then it started babbling creepy, incoherent stuff about seeing me until its’ mother (???) came over and took it away. It wasn’t long, but it scared me shitless. So I left the club as quickly as I could, being all like “Okay, Fiona, maybe this child just had a mental disorder, the Mommy seemed normal and friendly enough.” when all of a sudden, a guy out of this group of people appears. I don’t even know if he had been there before, I just saw him inside with the others. And he directly approached me, giving me an envelope before I finally could flee to Officer’s car.

Yeah. He was like: “This is what a friend of yours gave me.”

You have may have three guesses who that friend of mine was. In the envelope was a photo of Brute that looked like he had been stalked himself, a blurry picture of a black man and some cryptic messages.

And then I called up Story, he came to the car (I don’t know where he had been, as soon as he came back he was preoccupied with the envelope) and Officer brought us home. And I’m freaked out because whoever those people are, they knew Brute, his murderer and me. Officer told me me to stay the hell out of this from now on and he promised he would have an eye on me. But I’m still scared.

So that’s where I am. Stalked, suspect of murder, known to the real murderers, rejected and paranoid like hell. I thought there was something tapping on my window constantly since I sat down to write this now and now I just want to curl up under my blanket and pretend nothing can get me there. And that’s exactly what I’ll do.

Except I just made the mistake to look at my window and might now not sleep, like, ever again. There was something lying there. A rose. A black rose on my windowsill.

Fuck this. I’ll sleep in Daddy’s bed.

The Revelation

Hey internet!

So I had to shut up all the time about Story’s and my secret. Buuuuut I discovered the schedule-function on WordPress now (WordPress is so fabulous<3) so I can now talk to you about it in advance (before anything actually happens) and just make it so the blogpost is published while I’m already in the club.

And yes, that’s the secret: Story and me are going to a club together!

It’s not as date-ish as it might sound at first… well, here’s the background:

When the police dropped the case, Story didn’t want that to happen. I mean… who would? But since he’s a little knight in shining armor inside (heh<3) he took things into his own hands and did a little research. Obviously, Brute’s whole room was stuffed with things which related to that urban myth he had told me about. So the logical thing to do was looking into this mythos more carefully.

He didn’t want to tell many details – he didn’t even mention if he believed in it at all. But as a matter of fact, there seem to be some people here in town who do believe in it and Brute might have been one of them. And Story said that the crossed out O’s on the note in Brute’s chest and the whole… method he was murdered with all matches the Mythos. So the little high school student and nerd just so happened to stumble upon a lead. Fabulous? Absolutely! Especially since Story also stumbled upon a club which name seems to be a reference to that mythos as well.

Of course the first thing Story did was calling up Officer and telling him everything and of course the first thing Officer did was trying to get the police to open the case again. But since the police still seems to think there are not enough leads (Officer is furious about that), Story convinced Officer of finding out more. Now there’s a little problem: This is not exactly the biggest town ever, so most people know that Officer is, well, an officer already. So Story decided to consult someone with a certain expertise on clubbing to accompany him while he goes see if any suspiciously familiar people happen to be in that club.

We won’t do anything head over heels. Officer will drive us and stay close with the car – close enough to barge in whenever we get in trouble – and all we’re going to do is go in, dance a little, look around once and go again. We won’t snoop around too much and we won’t really investigate anything.

Needless to say that I am a tad anxious though… which is part of why I leave this blogpost. And also why I will report back when I’m home again. If I don’t, something happened and… I don’t know. You’ll at least know why the blog ends here and stuff.

Now I’m getting really scared. :(

There’s no reason for that, though. Story and Officer will be with me. And if we don’t find anything, this could really be a… date.

Now why does that make me even more nervous now?

Uhm yeah… anyway, I’ll need to get off the computer soon to style Story, but before I do so I can show you a quick shot of my outfit doodles:

All the doodles together.

Those are the outfits we will wear.

That one chinese-ish dress I saw at the mall when I was last there with my friends and it was stuck in my head. But seeing it scribbled down on me I decided that it actually looked a bit too slutty, although a certain amount of slutty is a good idea if you want to be let in. In the end I settled on a sexier version of that sporty-ish outfit – revealing enough to look way over 17 and get in, but concealing enough to not look too inviting or give Story the wrong ideas about… me.

For Story, I didn’t have to think too long. There really is only one look to go with if you want to be a mainstream-ish trendsetter with glasses: Hipster.

It’s true. Sorry hipsters.

Yeah, I doodle outfits down like that every now and then, simply because I can’t see myself in comparison in the mirror. This way I can lay down the papers in a row and compare, while still having a well-sorted wardrobe, a tidy room and wearing comfy clothes. I’m lazy like that. And I actually know pretty well what’s in my wardrobe anyway.

He’ll be here any minute now, so bye internet and wish me good luck!

I’m so excited

And I just can’t hide it!

Hey, internet!

Wow, I really have to think about blogging more often. I’m sorry but there was a lot of stuff to do for the secret.

Story and I had to kind of raise a little fund for it, so we convinced our parents to give us our allowance earlier and (at least in my case, I dunno about Story) did little jobs. It’s not the first time I had to wash a car to get a few extra bucks.

Anywho, we got some money together, so today ended up being the abolsutely most fabulous  day in my whole life (yet): We went shopping together!

I mean really. He was totally lost at the mall we were at, but that’s what was so incredibly omgwtfbbqsqueeliciously cute! It’s a pity that we had someone with us (our driver) so I couldn’t sneak-turn it into a little date… But I’ll have my true chance tomorrow.

Gosh, he was so cute in those clothes we bought him! *squee*

Also, I discovered this today. Oh my gosh how did I not know about that before?! I need to get my hands on this fabulous movie as soon as possible!

Although I’m not sure who to watch it with. Barbie had always been my High School Musical DVD Night buddy.

Well, Sharpay is worth being watched even if I have to do it alone! Totally.

Uhm… yeah. Expect news from me tomorrow night! I might leave a little entry for you when I head out, and I’ll definitely report back in when I come home. Thinking of which, I maybe should add: If everything’s all right (looky, I learned from Her!). Okay, I have to go and launch my happy thought rockets against my sudden anxiety of tomorrow.

Bye, internet!

Dirty little Secret

Hey, internet!

Sorry that I didn’t update during the holidays, but Granny doesn’t have a computer. She wouldn’t need it herself and she’s right when she says that Dad and me need to “unplug” a little whenever we visit her. So I only had my cellphone and while I could have updated via email or cell phone browser, I was a) too lazy to type long entries on the small keyboard and b) didn’t want to deny Granny a little Fiona time for the time being. Also, c) nothing really happened, but it’s not as if that has ever stopped me before, right?

So yeah, you might have noticed that I don’t sound as emo-y as I did last week, right? Well, I decided to be less mopey and everything. No one accused me for being a horrible person yet, I didn’t get harassed at school yet and my family still loves me. I’ll be fine.

Oh, also! I got my cell phone back from the police! And the blog is deleted from my bookmarks there. I wish I could ask Berry or Officer if Brute did that but… yeah.

Now the reason for me not updating right away yesterday. Guess who called me as soon as I got home? Yep, that’s right – Story!<3

It was a lucky coincidence that he called right when I entered the door. But there are some exciting news. Only you won’t be able to be excited because I can’t tell them to you yet. That’s right, we have a secret now. Everything else in the title is lies and slender though, it’s neither dirty nor little – I just like the song. You will learn on Sunday, depending on how everything turns out.

Apart from the secret we talked about everything and nothing until we had to go to sleep. I was really tired from the travel back already, so I just flopped on my bed and fell asleep. But checking my views today, I saw that nobody cared anyway, so I only feel guilty a very little bit. Maybe it’s understandable after my last blogpost though… (The few views I mean.)

Also, I want to finally thank my second fabulous person. Hey Her, welcome to the fabulous side of life, thankyousomuchImightloveyoualittlebitnow. Her blog is very fabulous, you should totally check it out: http://hernotepad.wordpress.com/

There is really not much more to tell you about. I still miss my friends, I still envy them for being friends with each other, I still have my guilt episodes about Brute. But it’s getting more okay by the day. And I don’t want to constantly mope at you – especially not now that I have to look good in the eyes of my new Fabulous Person!

I have to get back to scribbling stuff now. Important, secret stuff, hehe. You will see it later – gosh I am so giddy about it!<3

Goodnight now, internet!

PS: Fabulous Score – 4. Damn, I have to step up a little, haven’t I? ;P

PPS: 5 now!

Gotta get down on Friday

Hey, internet.

Sorry that I didn’t post recently but I really, I mean really wasn’t in the mood. Let me tell you why.

I had another nightmare on Friday. I couldn’t remember any of it though, just that I woke up with a racing heart and sweating. So I woke up at, like, 5 AM or so. First I took a shower to calm down, but afterwards I still felt wide awake, so I decided to be a good little girl and say thank you to my Dad for being so nice to me on Monday. I made breakfast and got all ready for a change so we could have breakfast together.

The problem about that is that usually we only eat breakfast together when I go to school. Even then rather rarely, but whenever Dad can afford to. So, right when he came into the room and saw me sitting on the table, pouring him some fresh coffee – I could see he got the gesture all wrong.

“So you’re going to school again?”, he asked, his eyes lighting up. And when I saw him standing there, all hopeful and happy, I just couldn’t say no anymore. I just nodded instead, and since he had to leave early enough for me to have some time left, I packed my backpack then and went to school.

It all went downhill from there. I was too late a little bit and the teacher is a strict one, so she gave me a warning (“One more time and it’s detention, Phoebe, you can’t just go and decide for yourself when to attend school!” GRRRRRRRR!!!) and no one had brought over homework or told me what the others did at school so I was pretty clueless. And of course Ms Hatesme ignored all the raised hands in the room constantly to ask me every question first before she picked up on someone else! I mean, yeah – my friends have been sending me emails. But do you remember how I mentioned that they just don’t deem school very important? So, those emails are mostly “Why haven’t you been to Barbie’s party?” and such stuff. I didn’t even open the latest ones anymore.

So yeah, that gives me a perfect transition to my friends. After the horror that was geography, I just wanted to spend a nice lunch break with them. Well… I should have seen coming that I wouldn’t be able to.

I should have done a lot of things for that matter. Like replying to the emails and thinking of a good excuse for staying at home for a week. Because the girls were pissed at me. And by pissed, I mean they more or less kicked me out of the cafeteria single-handedly just by using words. I have never been humiliated so much before – and I can’t even say that I didn’t deserve it.

That I didn’t come to the parties… well, that’s one thing. I guess they would be okay with it if I just had given them a reason for me being absent for so long. They really were angry – at least they said that – because they worried about me but I didn’t tell them anything. Berry seems to have told them some bits and pieces. They knew about me having problems with someone and that someone not being well now. They didn’t seem to know about that someone being dead and the problems being stalking. They also didn’t know who it was I had problems with. But that doesn’t matter very much anymore anyway because they kicked me out of the clique – just like that.

I asked Berry later if she would help me to clarify things. But she just threw a glance made of pure disgust at me and said that she knew “about the note” and that I shouldn’t “act all innocent”. Also, that she’d do shit to pull me out of my own mess. And then she left me there, without any clue.

So yeah. I’ve lost everything. I’m not popular anymore, I don’t have a big circle of friends anymore. I can strike all the party-dates in my organizer, because none of the girls will let me in anywhere anyway. It’s simply over. I’ll have to sit this last year out. There’s no, heh, Fionamancy able to change that, no matter how hard I’d try – I just know.

I still haven’t gotten used to that thought.

I’m going to miss them all. Really – I mean it.

When I realized that there was nothing I could do anymore, I cried. A lot. I just hid away in the second lunch break and cried. I thought my eyes were dry after those past few days, but obviously they aren’t.

I really don’t want to go to school tomorrow. Or ever again for that matter.

There is someone I have to be there for though. Apart from my Dad, that is. Story is having a really rough time. Apparently, the police dropped the case already. It’s absolutely silly but they did. He called me up today and told me about it, being very angry and sad – Officer had just told his family. And no, Officer doesn’t know why, either. Obviously an order from above he can’t do anything about either, though.

Which reminds me of something I had brought up earlier: The note Berry mentioned. Story and me had a long talk about Brute’s death and Story told me that they found a note stapled to the bag in which his heart was. On the note was written “no means no!” in capital letters. With crossed out O’s. I don’t even know anymore.

We guessed around a bit, but that note is probably the reason for me being so suspicious to the police. Officer had told Story about it (it sounded like they had rather close contact this week anyway) but no one mentioned it towards me so talking about it would have confirmed my guilt for them. Since the case is dropped now anyway, I guess Story felt it was okay to talk to me about it.

Apart from that he said that Officer believes in my innocence. And he trusts Officer.

That kind of got me going again, although it’s still not quite good news. I wish I could just… actually do something. Anything. Cast a spell which would revive Brute or so to solve all our problems. Well, okay, not the friend problem, but being quite honest, for me it might be a major and horrible thing. But it’s actually nothing. I still have Dad – Story lost his brother and friend. Yeah, obviously they were more or less each other’s only real close friends apart from their books, shows and movies. It might sound arrogant when I say: Go me, I really fucked up big time there. But the thing is that I just know what I am. And that note and Brute’s blogpost… What else am I supposed to think than that I am at least connected to his death somehow?

If not even responsible for it.

Well… Story will start going to school again tomorrow. And he asked if I’ll be there, in that tone that sounded as if he was begging for help. So I will be there, of course.

It’s all I can do, really. I wish it would be more. I’m so sorry, Story.

So… time to stop avoiding my bed and to go to sleep. Goodnight internet.

My Awakening

Hey, internet.

I’m sorry for the last two posts and… their content. It was a lot for me to take in and I needed some time for that.
It would probably have been even more time if it wasn’t for today. Let me explain from the beginning.

On thursday, just when I wanted to leave for school, the police came to my house. They told me that I had been excused from school for that day and then they brought me to the department. I think we talked on the way, but I was too scared and confused to remember what we said. I just know that Dad was sitting next to me, holding my hand all the time. They didn’t let him come to the interrogation room with me, though.

They asked me… no, they interrogated me about things like when I had last seen Brute and Story etcetera. And then they told me that Brute was dead. Someone found his body in the early morning. I felt as if… my brain just shut down then. When they brought me home, all I could think was that it was my fault, that I had someone taken his life away from him. Even if I didn’t, I still was the one responsible for him and his family not getting along well during his last days. Story and him had had a friendship all along, until this little blonde minx came along and parted them… And now they can never reconcile.

I still… think that… I dunno. That I am responsible. Partially, at least. But at least someof that burden was taken away from me today.

It started with me falling asleep. I know that I said I slept before as well, but… it was just kinda-sleeping. Not resting. But then, in the middle of the night, I finally really fell asleep and at first, it started out like all the dreams before – I dreamt that I was wide awake, still watching my movie. In hindsight I know it was a dream because the movie took a silly turn (it became a crossover of several Disney movies), but in my dream, I didn’t notice. I just continued watching, still feeling kind of numb, when a shadow fell on my bed. Thinking that it was Dad, I looked up – only to see my Prince stand there. He just stood there, saying nothing, slightly tilting his head while he observed me. For a short moment everything was even more muffled than usually, I barely could hear the Disney characters in the movie mull over how they wanted to rescue a princess. And then He reached out for me, handing me a single, black rose. When I touched it, a thorn pricked my finger and the pain was so intense that… my whole body hurt for a moment. And then every single feeling came back to me. All the anger and the sadness. I woke up crying, and I cried my heart out, and then I fell asleep again when I was fully exhausted and dreamt normal dreams. A bit dark and morbid I guess, but normal. Not this mindfuckery of the past few days.

In the morning, the police came back. They brought me to the department again and they were far less nice to me than on Thursday. Some questions were the same as on Thursday, but then they started asking things that made me wonder. If I had a boyfriend. If I knew someone who liked me very much. How much my friends knew about the stalking.
Where I was when he died.

I had thought that Brute had committed suicide, but I was wrong. He was murdered. From what I learned at the station (after the interrogation of course), someone had… ripped, literally ripped his heart out. And then put it back into the chest. In a plastic bag.

It’s so despicable that I feel sick thinking about it. But still… am I a bad person for a part of me feeling relieved just a bit? About that it was someone else who killed him, not the grief over me not liking him? Because I am. It’s as if there had been pressure in my head, and now a valve was opened and a big part of it just… came out. It’s still gruesome. I still feel bad, sad and angry. But it’s not overwhelming me anymore. I can actually feel it.
And I can actually think again.

I met Story at the station too. But he didn’t look like he was eager to talk to me – more of the opposite. I’ve never seen him glare at someone before but I think I did so at me when I came in. Maybe he suspects me to be responsible for Brute’s death, too. I can’t blame him, because I might indirectly be. Maybe Brute would have been at home if it wasn’t for whatever he wanted to do for me. For whoever he wanted to meet out there.

Which reminds me. Yes, I’ve read his blog entry. Macabre enough, I only discovered it after I came back from the Police on Thursday, and it made everything worse. I printed the entry out for the policemen today and brought it with me to the station because I thought they might need it, but I just told them he wrote the message to me, not where on the internet he did it. I do my best to tell them everything they need to know – thanks to Officer I do know that policemen have to work very hard and that every little clue can be just the one they still need to find the criminal. But they won’t find anything on my blog that I wouldn’t tell, give or show them anyway (they’ve got the notes now, too) and this still is my little, cozy place to myself I’m very protective of.

I’m digressing again, sorry. I’m better but my mind is still a little bit all over the place and it tends to avoid touching Brute’s blogpost as much as possible.

So. The blogpost.

It’s strange to read something that someone seems to say to you right out of his grave. Even more so when those words are so warm and nice, while all you heard of that person for the past few days was that they became more aggressive and distant. When I first read them, they pushed me head on into a fit of selfblaming and regret. Since the police found my cellphone, I suppose I was right about him taking it away. He must have found the bookmark of the blog because I had checked on it all day and then he probably lurked. Until he couldn’t stand my fawning about Story anymore and let some shady stranger…

I’m sorry. I still can’t forgive myself for… I don’t know. I think I need a little break, maybe I’ll write more tomorrow.

Talk-to-a-Story-Day

Hey, internet…

I finally had the opportunity to ask Story about Brute today. I didn’t even directly bring up Brute, but Story seemed down and it turned out that it was because of him. And maybe because of me. I don’t even know anymore.

I don’t even know how to put this. Brute obviously… changed. According to Story, I had the right impression about him first, when I thought that he was simply a shy but nice guy. But recently he’s become more aggressive. He locks himself up in his room, only talking to people on the telephone. Story can hear him yelling and coughing a lot, he even found some blood in the sink after Brute had been in the bathroom, but whenever he offers help, Brute just tells him to “piss off.” The few times they actually have seen each other recently, he had dark circles under his eyes and looked really pale. And Story told me that he’s even vanished several times now, mostly at night, without any trace where he went or why, coming back early in the morning tired, shaken by violent coughing fits and even more aggressive than anytime else.

It frightens Story and his family. And frankly, it’s frightening me as well. A person changed so much and I just can’t shake the feeling that it’s my fault. I showed up and suddenly the brothers don’t get along with each other anymore and everything… goes to hell. Is that what I did? Changing a person so much for the worse just by being nice to them? I always had kind of a knack for handling people but never thought that I could harm anyone so much with that. I never wanted to harm anyone.

I’m so sorry, Brute and Story. So incredibly sorry. I didn’t want this to happen.

I somehow managed to slip in a question about the game. Story didn’t know much about it, but he said that Brute is into an urban mythos about a being called Slender Man (not quite a slender man, it’s more of a title or something). He told me it was an “if you know too much about it, he comes for you” thing and that he had been too afraid of such stuff to research it or let Brute show him anything about it. But obviously, there are some game-like stories about it. No, I didn’t look into it. Even if it’s that game or myth he’s into, he’s got bigger problems now. And I should rather find a way to help him.

Maybe I could try and put my abilities on use for something positive for a change. I’ll just… see what I can do for him.

I’m sorry for maybe not sounding very coherent about everything.

Bye, internet.

Le update

Hey internet!

Sorry for me not posting earlier, but I kind of didn’t want everything I wrote to be shoved into the “April’s Fools” corner. So I waited until today.

There’s not much to tell, either, but at least the few things are good news. I found out a bit more about Brute’s condition, although I don’t quite know what to make of it. Someone commented on my blog and seemed to know the things on his notes. I checked on her blog in turn and it sounds very much as if the monster he drew was the “Black King” out of a strategy game or MMORPG or I’mjustthrowingrandomwordsforgamesIdon’tknowbecauseIneverplayedthemoutthere.  I’m not sure what kind of game it is yet, though, because Thage (the commenter) didn’t answer my questions about that yet. But either way, it creeps me out a little bit less now in hindsight. I’ll just ask Story about it.

Who I didn’t have much opportunity to talk to this week because so many of the cool kids at school decided to be born in March/April and I have to attend birthday surprise party preparation meetings like every fifth minute. :(

My cell phone is still missing, but no new notes so far. Which is nice and the main reason for me being so upbeat today. Maybe Brute just had… I dunno, a rough patch and calmed down. Would be nice. Maybe he just wanted to pull a prank on me. Would be nice, too. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much too quickly.

The grades on the project with Story were good as well, I could answer some extra questions without any problem (thank you Story! You’re so fabulous<3) and thus might get a slightly better mark in German overall. Also: Breakfast lesson soon! Yay!

Even my dreams have gotten better. No nightmares so far. Just a really cute dream in which I was a Disney princess and spending a sparkly, pink, unicorn-rainbow-fartingly happy day with my princess friends. Hooray, sleep!

Okay, I need to go offline now though. Surprise birthday party at Barbie’s tomorrow. *sigh*

bye, internet!

The whole Story 2/???

Oh, hi there internet. Didn’t hear you come in.

Before I continue what I told you earlier, I’ll try something Story advised me to do. He said nightmares sometimes go away when you write/type them down. His logic was that seeing the dream written down gives one distance to the happenings in it. I’m actually not good at that, seeing as I can rarely recall my dreams after waking up.  I just know if it was a nice or not so nice dream. But I made some notes after waking up today and will try to recall as much as I can now. If you don’t like nightmares, please simply skip that part.

Looking at my notes, I can’t remember most of what I’ve written down. They read:

• mansion
• nice clothes (dress, crown(?))
• night(?)
• scribbled words everywhere
• big windows
• full moon (not very dark)
• rose garden
• petals
• black room
• mirrors
• me eating (reflection)
• face -> orifice close
• mouth through ripping
• scribbled “no”

Yeah… Pretty sick stuff obviously. As I said I can’t remember most of it, it’s all very blurry in my mind, but I kind of can recall the last part. Everything around me was pitch black, I didn’t even see walls or so. There just was a richly decorated mirror right in front of me, and I saw my reflection in it (naturally). Then my reflection stepped back and a table appeared in front of it (still in the mirror). There was so much food on it that it poured over the edges of the table. My reflection began to eat it, really greedily as if it hadn’t eaten for days, and ate more and more and more. The table seemed to refill or so, and my reflection didn’t get bigger. And then the really sick stuff happened, because the lids and lips of my reflection grew together while it still ate like crazy. And in order to eat it kind of… ripped the skin open where its’ mouth should have been and stuffed its’ face with even more food. It was really gross and I have absolutely no idea where I could have those images from. I hate horror movies. And nightmares. Meh.

I don’t know if that really was helpful. Well, topic change.

The story you actually came here to read (if you came here at all and stuff) is probably what happened while I didn’t update the blog.

I told you about how I met Brute and hung out with him when Story wasn’t around yet. So yeah. Obviously, I was just as charming and fabulous as I had hoped to be, but not as much for Story as for Brute. At first, it was kind of nice to talk to him every now and then and the way he complimented me was subtle and charming. But then I began to feel strange because he started to show up in places where I didn’t expect him, without a good explanation to be there. And when the project was over, I hoped to at least have a very loose friendship with Story – like talking sometimes and maybe being there for him when he was sad or so. But Story even avoided me.

That’s when I started to have certain suspicions. I talked to Story and it turned out he thought that me and Brute were an item! I asked him if Brute told him so, but he didn’t answer. All of that happened over a couple of days. I tried talking to Brute, being clear in that I wasn’t interested in him at all, and I talked to Story about it and told him I had no interest in Brute. And then I was a jerk, but you know about that.

The thing is that I’m not quite sure if everything’s over now, which is the reason for those question marks in the title. I can be imagining things, but I think I’ve seen Brute again in front of my house today although he doesn’t live close. And I get the feeling I might have seriously upset him, which might not be good because he knows the girls I’m friends with now. Like he-has-seen-them-knows. Partially I didn’t update because I was a bit afraid of him blurting out my blog to the others, but he doesn’t seem to have found out about it yet, so go me.

And I kind of really need it…

Well, sleepy time for me now. I’ll keep a notepad close to continue my little dream log, too. It’s nothing great, but at least it’s probably more interesting than a teacher calling me “Phoebe” instead of “Fiona”. Which, by the way, she did again on friday. GRRR!

Nini, internet!