I’m sorry B!

Hey, internet!

Sorry I didn’t update this blog a while again. I finally could meet up with my friends again and we had so much fun planning my party!

That is until yesterday. :(

Basically what happened was that Berry burst into the room where the rest of us already were sitting together and started yelling at me and insulting me. At first I didn’t even know why, until she suddenly mentioned my blog. I have no idea how she found it, but she apparently did.

I, well, “hid” it from the others. You know, with that trick Iscariot showed me. But I must have done it on a day when she wasn’t with us and then forgot about it… so even when she took out her smartphone and tried to show it to them, they just laughed at her for that. Which made her even more angry.

Apparently she has read more about my Prince after discovering the blog and she’s basically not very happy about what she read. I think she thinks that I lied about Brute and that I am in one way or another responsible for his death, especially since Iscariot of all people is now kinda part of my family. But B, I promise, I didn’t lie! I didn’t do anything to harm him. :(

I don’t really know what to do. I can’t tell the others of the blog, if they don’t laugh at me for being starstruck around Story, they’ll do so because I have a supernatural being for a boyfriend. Or they’ll start judging Him. Really, B, it’s not even His fault… I don’t know what to say. :(

Even worse: I overheard my Dad and Officer talk today. Officer now knows that Iscariot enters and leaves this house as he pleases. I bet Berry told him.

I miss you already, B. I know I got mad when you came in yesterday, but I regretted it already when you turned around to go. Of all the girls, you’re the one I always related to the most and see, I really appreciate all you’ve done for me. I know that without you, I wouldn’t even have my friends and I wouldn’t be where I am now. You know I always followed your advice.

I bet we can think of something to tell them so they’ll stop mocking you. I really never wanted to “shove” you “from the throne” or anything. I don’t know what more to say, apart from sorry.

Speak of the Devil

Hi, internet!

Turns out we were right about someone having been seen together with Fiancé. It was a boy about my age and he was planning to kidnap me.

I know this because Jonathan s͏t̀͟o̴p̶͟ped him from doing it. :) He’s totally the most awesome bodyguard ever, I swear!

So I’m going to call this guy R̢ų͞nner from now on. You’ll see why.

Fiancé told him where I live and he and Run̷̕ner had put a lot of work into figuring out when I am usually alone and stuff. Now a few days before, some of my Prince’s people spotted him around and I had to shut up for a little while again. :( Anyway, last night, he finally dared doing it and tried to snatch me away while I went to the kitchen to get some popcorn for a movie I was watching.

I don’t even know how Jonathan did that, but he was in there like before Runner could even blink and had him in a tight grip that’s usually used by policemen! He didn’t even get a chance at touching me!

So uh… I know some people might scold me again for this but we didn’t hand Runner over to the police. I just couldn’t do it. He looked so starved and dirty, his clothes must have been months old at the very least. So I kind… gave him stuff to eat and sat him down for a talk.

One can actually do that with a bodyguard like Jonathan around. Did I mention yet that Jonathan is fabulous? Because he totally is!

Runner tried escaping once or twice, but never succeeded, so he decided to instead keep answering me. And he did a good job on clearing up some things for me.
Everyone who is, uh… “in” this probably will roll their eyes at me when I say this now, but Runner belongs to the group of people who call themselves runners. They do so because they are running from my Prince. Runner left his home and traveled through like half the continent because he tried to escape my Love.
Like Konaa and company, he accused me of being a lunatic for being in love with my Prince. But I also gathered that my Prince never did more than randomly appear around him and freak him out.

So yeah, I won’t budge. ;P

Runner stays here for now. He naturally became pretty nervous when my Prince joined the crowd for a few minutes, but of course He didn’t harm him in any way and even left the room when I politely asked Him to. Runner made me promise that I will ke͝e̵̴p̡̧̧ ̶̢͟hi̶̡m҉̷̨ s̡af̢̢̡e̵, but honestly – as if there ever were anything to wo̶̢͡r̴̀r͢ỳ͢ about.

For now, he’s wearing some old clothes of Daddy, but I guess I’ll drag him into a mall tomorrow to get some new stuff for him. And boy, that guy can eat it’s unbelievable! Almost as unsatiable as Konaa! XD Then again, he doesn’t seem to have had a warm home and good food for weeks… Ngh, now I feel a little bit bad about that joke…

I’m sorry for being so quiet, but you see, I’m still here and I’ll keep blogging, promise!

Ungh, headache now. Bye, internet!

And now for Something completely different

Hey, internet!

Whoah, all those buggy comments… I wrote an email to WordPress though about the error and included some screencaps. So I hope that your comments will be fine again soon. :) I’m sorry!

Adele, John: Why are your comments not buggy anymore? The miau mio stuff is starting to get to me though. Why are you doing that?

Anyway, I figured you might like to hear about something else that sick German children’s books and dreamlike princes for a a change, so I’ll update you on my private life a little instead.

Ever since the club incident, I haven’t been to school – one month already, and the month in which all the finals are written. Yay, huh? Well, the police wasn’t amused about Officers private and unsuccessful little side project, so his boss now told him to stop it if he doesn’t want to endanger his job and the ones of everyone involved. Some of his friends who helped him were scared enough to give in to that threat and without them, his team is too small to watch over me daily.

I helped his conscience a little by lying about the roses and telling him that I didn’t get any more for a few days now.  Of course I did though, my Prince would never forget that!<3

Well, the principal wasn’t exactly happy when he learned that Officer had excused me all the time without official permission, but Dad, Officer and he talked and agreed that I wasn’t to blame for that.  So they decided that I’m allowed to write the finals at home in the beginning of the summer holidays. A teacher will come over and stay with me during the writing to make sure I don’t cheat. The way Dad described it, even the principal was kinda worried about me. There are some nice people around, huh?

Speaking of which, Dad is incredibly busy recently. He says that he suddenly gets tons of customers everyday, mostly people he never saw around before who order things he has to order himself because they’re so special (like some particular Japanese markers for painting and stuff). So he needs to come earlier to the store (to receive the deliveries) and close later and if he’s at home at all, he’s busy on the computer and telephone all the time, trying to get things I’ve never heard of before for his customers.
It makes me a little bit sad because we don’t do or watch stuff together anymore, but on the other hand, I’m asleep most of the time. My dreams are just so wonderful… I always meet up with him and then we take a walk somewhere (mostly in the rose garden) or go to nice cafés (they are empty aside from us, but there’s always cake and coffee on the tables) and such stuff. And he cheers me up, oh so much…

Last night, I really had a phase in which I was down and sad and thought that I was just imagining everything. I don’t remember how the dream I had started out, but my memory starts at a point where we were talking to each other and I remember a bit of the conversation really clearly.

Me: “…I mean – did I really think that there were such things as Princes on white horses who come to me in my dreams?”
He: “Yes. ‘Cause that’s exactly how you think. That’s perfect.”
Me:  “Perfect is so hard! And it doesn’t prepare you for disappointment.”
He: “Well, if it helps… you still look adorable, even when you’re disappointed.”

I can’t remember anything after that snippet, but it was so nice and comforting to hear that from Him. I now believe and trust in Him even more than before.
It all felt so familiar.<3

I’m sorry, I babbled about Him again… I just can’t contain myself.

So, I told you about Officer, my school… Dad… Oh, not all about Dad! Incidentally, he’s got a big  from another enterprise (didn’t quite catch what it was) so he’ll do his first business trip ever soon to help his customers choose the right material for everything and so on. So yeah – no Officer and no Dad for at least two or three days.
Of course Dad had to get a babysitter though. :( As if I was, like, ten or something.

I’ll report back in tomorrow (tired as hell again…). Have a nice one, guys!

Bye, internet!

Doodles

Hey, internet!

[I wrote that whole thing yesterday, but I accidentally clicked Save Draft. So you have it belatedly.]

Wow, what’s wrong with WordPress? Adele, John – your comments are all garbled up for some reason (don’t believe me? See for yourself). I could barely read them, but think I got the gist – thank you for your empowerment. I don’t quite get why I have to stay alone in that room, but I’m going to trust you and my Prince. :)

Now on to what I wanted to do since yesterday – the new doodles. Everytime I fell asleep and woke up again there were new ones.

The first one, I mentioned it in "Randomly awake at Night"

The second one, I found it later on.

And the third one. I found it today when I woke up.

(Did I ever tell you that the alternate title of the book is “Funny pictures and wacky stories for children”? Burning people sure are funny as hell, huh?)

Something that really confuses me is how the symbol that Brute drew is all over this stuff again. But his murderers did it to. So I’m not quite sure what to read into this…

I can also type the text here which is circled. I’m a bit too tired to translate it now but I can probably give you a very short rough summary.

Paulinchen war allein zu Haus,
Die Eltern waren beide aus.
Als sie nun durch das Zimmer sprang
Mit leichtem Mut und Sing und Sang,
Da sah sie plötzlich vor sich stehn
Ein Feuer[blackened out] nett anzusehn.
“Ei”, sprach sie, “ei, wie schön und fein!”
[The last three lines aren’t in the circle anymore.]

This was the first one from “Sorry”. The first one from this post is from the same story.

Doch weh! Die Flamme faßt das Kleid,
Die Schürze brennt; es leuchtet weit.
Es brennt die Hand, es brennt das Haar,
Es brennt das ganze Kind sogar.

Und Minz und Maunz, die schreien
Gar jämmerlich zu zweien:
“Herbei! Herbei! Wer hilft geschwind?
In Feuer steht das ganze Kind!
Miau! Mio! Miau! Mio!
Zu Hilf’! das Kind brennt lichterloh!”

That story is about a girl called Paulinchen who plays with the lighter of her parents and sets herself aflame. There’s not much more to it – she plays, starts to burn and burns to death.

The second one from “Sorry doesn’t actually circle any text, so I won’t transcribe it…

The other pictures are from the story of three boys who mock a little black boy because of his skin color. Santa Clause comes and dunks them in black ink so they’re even blacker than the boy they mocked (I know, I know right? The Germans have a strange view of “wacky”…).

The circled text is:

Es ging spazieren vor dem Tor
Ein kohlpechrabenschwarzer M[rest of the word crossed out and replaced with “ann”]

Gosh, I’m getting tired again. Actually I wanted to update you about my school life too, but I guess that has to wait until tomorrow since I’m close to falling asleep on my keyboard all of a sudden…

Bye, internet!

An Apology

Hey, internet.

I might as well put the apology right in the beginning, before I start dumping all my emotional luggage on your shoulders again. I’m sorry for not having been posting for so long – but I had a good reason for it.

Basically, Officer explained to me that a stalker always wants to achieve one thing: Attention. It doesn’t actually matter if that attention is positive or negative, if it’s joy, fear or anger. If you react and acknowledge that your stalker has an effect on you, no matter which, they have won. He explained this to me back when I had to deal with Brute, and I tried to act accordingly, hoping that Brute hadn’t discovered the blog yet.

With the rose person, it’s another thing. Both Officer and I think they might be connected to Brute’s murderer, which means that they possibly know about the blog (since Brute knew about it). So I tried to lay low here and to not post for a while.

It sucks though. I missed this blog, I missed all of my few readers and it didn’t help anyway.

Officer is going nuts over this case, especially because of me. Story doesn’t seem to have any problems, but I’m still getting the roses every night. We can’t seem to find out who’s responsible for this though. Officer watched over my window several nights in a row, he even got some friends to help him once – but he didn’t catch anyone. It makes him nervous, and I can’t shake the feeling that there is something about those nights he doesn’t tell me. Something that makes it worse for him. I mean – I’ve known him for quite a while now, and I know how irritated he can get when something doesn’t work out as he would like it to. But this time he doesn’t just act annoyed, but more nervous… I can’t really explain it, nevermind.

Anyway I’m more or less isolated for my own protection. I’m not supposed to leave the house alone until Officer found a way to get at those guys from the club (and as you may have guessed, the police station isn’t helping much) and I’m advised to not contact Story, since I could put him in danger with that. The same goes for my friends – yeah, Berry texted me when she learned about my situation from Officer and apologized. She even said she would set things right with the others again. But that doesn’t help much since I have to stay away from them now in order to protect them.

Officer doesn’t tell me much about his suspicions, but from what I know I think that he suspects the rose person to be the murderer, and to have done it because they knew about Brute stalking me. So everyone in contact with me is automatically put in danger a bit. That means: No school, no guests – it’s practically like being grounded, just with a less disappointed Dad and some policemen in front of the house whenever they can.

So yeah, I’m pretty much isolated from everyone but Dad and Officer. Dad handles the situation great – Officer told him that I am in danger and therefore shouldn’t meet other people, so he tries to be home as much as possible. He always brings me movies and shows to watch – I’m through Tangled (missed it when it was in the cinema), the entirety of My Little Pony – Friendship is Magic, Enchanted, Poyo, Princess Tutu (okay, that wasn’t a DVD, I kinda stumbled upon it online) and quite some parts of How I met your Mother (for some reason I just can’t focus while watching that though, so I pause often).

Probably because I’ve seen My Little Pony right before that. And I wish there were more episodes, like, way more. It’s so cute and lovely that it makes me forget about my problems entirely while I watch it and I adore the characters – each and every one of them. Oh, and of course I just loved Tangled as well – Rapunzel resembles me so much it isn’t even funny (the part when she went yay-wah-yay-wah? That’s me all right!) and I really liked the villainess this time. See, most of the Disney villains had some sort of special stuff they could use against the protagonists – special abilities like magic, some minions, political power or just plain money. But this time, the villainess only had one weapon: Her mind. She couldn’t kill or defeat Rapunzel, so in order to use her magic power, she had to win the trust and love of the girl instead. I liked to watch how she really had to think hard about every step she made, instead of being able to simply throw around mighty spells or turn into a giant dragon to solve her problems. I don’t think that I ever saw something quite like that in a Disney movie, and I liked it.

Sadly, my Dad couldn’t get his hands on a copy of the Sharpay movie yet. He promised me to find it soon, though.

I still get the roses. The way they arrive is always the same: At midnight sharp, I wake up from a tapping noise at my window, and when I check, a new rose lays there. Black and strange like the others. They don’t wither and don’t break, no matter if it rains or if the sun shines, and although they piled up, none ever fell down from the sill. In order to not react to rose person, I didn’t touch them for two weeks, but… The tapping noise persisted. Everytime I turned away from the window I could hear it again until I looked directly at it. But I can’t stare at my window all day, so I lived with the tapping as long as possible. By night I usually got used to it a bit and could kinda sleep – until midnight when it got louder. By yesterday, the tapping was so loud that I couldn’t sleep anymore, so I pulled and all-nighter (as I tend to do every now and then recently) and in the morning I just opened my window and took all the roses inside.

Yes I know – that’s definitely a reaction. Which is why I’ve done it and why I’m posting here now. I’m giving up a little. Nothing changed when I ignored everything, absolutely nothing. But when I took the roses inside, the tapping stopped. I didn’t hear it again yet.

Holding all the roses at once made me feel really dizzy, but I still managed to put them into a vase. They are on my desk now and although they’re strange I kind of like them.

To be honest, I can’t help but think about Brute’s post.

Look instead at the one who looks back, who can be with you, care for you, love you the way you are meant to be loved.

I know it’s silly, but sometimes I wonder if… if it is Brute who brings me those roses to cheer me up after it didn’t work out with Story. Sometimes when I look out of my window at night, I could swear that I see someone move behind it.

Once… well, I almost think that I saw a suit there. Like on the notes Brute drew. And maybe it was a mistake, but I’ve read the blogs of Adele and Jane now (I better don’t link them, not sure if you would want to read them… they are pretty creepy) and… What if it’s true and Brute has something on his side we can’t understand?

Even if it’s not him. Wouldn’t every girl wish for someone who brings her a rose every day?

If it wasn’t for the suspicion that rose person has to do something with the murders, it would be a charming gesture. “Someone who looks back”.

I’m sorry… I’m tired and a bit confused by everything. I’ll better get to bed now.

G’night, internet.

The Revelation

Hey internet!

So I had to shut up all the time about Story’s and my secret. Buuuuut I discovered the schedule-function on WordPress now (WordPress is so fabulous<3) so I can now talk to you about it in advance (before anything actually happens) and just make it so the blogpost is published while I’m already in the club.

And yes, that’s the secret: Story and me are going to a club together!

It’s not as date-ish as it might sound at first… well, here’s the background:

When the police dropped the case, Story didn’t want that to happen. I mean… who would? But since he’s a little knight in shining armor inside (heh<3) he took things into his own hands and did a little research. Obviously, Brute’s whole room was stuffed with things which related to that urban myth he had told me about. So the logical thing to do was looking into this mythos more carefully.

He didn’t want to tell many details – he didn’t even mention if he believed in it at all. But as a matter of fact, there seem to be some people here in town who do believe in it and Brute might have been one of them. And Story said that the crossed out O’s on the note in Brute’s chest and the whole… method he was murdered with all matches the Mythos. So the little high school student and nerd just so happened to stumble upon a lead. Fabulous? Absolutely! Especially since Story also stumbled upon a club which name seems to be a reference to that mythos as well.

Of course the first thing Story did was calling up Officer and telling him everything and of course the first thing Officer did was trying to get the police to open the case again. But since the police still seems to think there are not enough leads (Officer is furious about that), Story convinced Officer of finding out more. Now there’s a little problem: This is not exactly the biggest town ever, so most people know that Officer is, well, an officer already. So Story decided to consult someone with a certain expertise on clubbing to accompany him while he goes see if any suspiciously familiar people happen to be in that club.

We won’t do anything head over heels. Officer will drive us and stay close with the car – close enough to barge in whenever we get in trouble – and all we’re going to do is go in, dance a little, look around once and go again. We won’t snoop around too much and we won’t really investigate anything.

Needless to say that I am a tad anxious though… which is part of why I leave this blogpost. And also why I will report back when I’m home again. If I don’t, something happened and… I don’t know. You’ll at least know why the blog ends here and stuff.

Now I’m getting really scared. :(

There’s no reason for that, though. Story and Officer will be with me. And if we don’t find anything, this could really be a… date.

Now why does that make me even more nervous now?

Uhm yeah… anyway, I’ll need to get off the computer soon to style Story, but before I do so I can show you a quick shot of my outfit doodles:

All the doodles together.

Those are the outfits we will wear.

That one chinese-ish dress I saw at the mall when I was last there with my friends and it was stuck in my head. But seeing it scribbled down on me I decided that it actually looked a bit too slutty, although a certain amount of slutty is a good idea if you want to be let in. In the end I settled on a sexier version of that sporty-ish outfit – revealing enough to look way over 17 and get in, but concealing enough to not look too inviting or give Story the wrong ideas about… me.

For Story, I didn’t have to think too long. There really is only one look to go with if you want to be a mainstream-ish trendsetter with glasses: Hipster.

It’s true. Sorry hipsters.

Yeah, I doodle outfits down like that every now and then, simply because I can’t see myself in comparison in the mirror. This way I can lay down the papers in a row and compare, while still having a well-sorted wardrobe, a tidy room and wearing comfy clothes. I’m lazy like that. And I actually know pretty well what’s in my wardrobe anyway.

He’ll be here any minute now, so bye internet and wish me good luck!

Dirty little Secret

Hey, internet!

Sorry that I didn’t update during the holidays, but Granny doesn’t have a computer. She wouldn’t need it herself and she’s right when she says that Dad and me need to “unplug” a little whenever we visit her. So I only had my cellphone and while I could have updated via email or cell phone browser, I was a) too lazy to type long entries on the small keyboard and b) didn’t want to deny Granny a little Fiona time for the time being. Also, c) nothing really happened, but it’s not as if that has ever stopped me before, right?

So yeah, you might have noticed that I don’t sound as emo-y as I did last week, right? Well, I decided to be less mopey and everything. No one accused me for being a horrible person yet, I didn’t get harassed at school yet and my family still loves me. I’ll be fine.

Oh, also! I got my cell phone back from the police! And the blog is deleted from my bookmarks there. I wish I could ask Berry or Officer if Brute did that but… yeah.

Now the reason for me not updating right away yesterday. Guess who called me as soon as I got home? Yep, that’s right – Story!<3

It was a lucky coincidence that he called right when I entered the door. But there are some exciting news. Only you won’t be able to be excited because I can’t tell them to you yet. That’s right, we have a secret now. Everything else in the title is lies and slender though, it’s neither dirty nor little – I just like the song. You will learn on Sunday, depending on how everything turns out.

Apart from the secret we talked about everything and nothing until we had to go to sleep. I was really tired from the travel back already, so I just flopped on my bed and fell asleep. But checking my views today, I saw that nobody cared anyway, so I only feel guilty a very little bit. Maybe it’s understandable after my last blogpost though… (The few views I mean.)

Also, I want to finally thank my second fabulous person. Hey Her, welcome to the fabulous side of life, thankyousomuchImightloveyoualittlebitnow. Her blog is very fabulous, you should totally check it out: http://hernotepad.wordpress.com/

There is really not much more to tell you about. I still miss my friends, I still envy them for being friends with each other, I still have my guilt episodes about Brute. But it’s getting more okay by the day. And I don’t want to constantly mope at you – especially not now that I have to look good in the eyes of my new Fabulous Person!

I have to get back to scribbling stuff now. Important, secret stuff, hehe. You will see it later – gosh I am so giddy about it!<3

Goodnight now, internet!

PS: Fabulous Score – 4. Damn, I have to step up a little, haven’t I? ;P

PPS: 5 now!

Some Clarification

Hey, internet.

I’m sorry for not updating yesterday as I said I would, but it simply wasn’t such a good day for me. Nothing happened in particular that made me feel bad, I just… have some times when everything that happened the past few weeks kicks in again, especially thursday. So I didn’t do anything yesterday.

Dad is really sweet to me. I pity him for having to tell all my friends  that I can’t talk at the moment when they call on the phone, although I’m sitting and watching movies more or less right next to him while he does that. When he’s home at all, I should say. He needs to spend a lot of time working, so most of the day I can just let the phone ring until it stops.

Yesterday he came home earlier though. He’s the owner of a little store for artistic needs, so he always stays there after closing to do some paperwork, restocking and whatnot. It already makes me feel grateful that he seemingly skipped all that yesterday and went straight home.

He didn’t do much. There’s not much one can do. But he ordered some pizza, knowing exactly which one I’d like the most and without a comment sat down next to me on my bed while I watched “Alice in Wonderland”. Yes, he didn’t do anything. But he was there, and somehow, that alone was enough for me. I could snuggle up to him a little and sometimes I would cry a bit and he would pet my head, and sometimes I would just lie there and feel not-alone. In the end, I even fell asleep snuggled up to him, having weird Alice in Wonderland dreams (naturally… I’m going to tell you about it, although I don’t know if I will do it today or tomorrow). And when I woke up, he had tucked me in and put a little plushie on my nightstand, with a note saying: “Leftovers are in the fridge. Love you, Princess” and a cute smiley beneath.

I love you too, Dad. Very much so.

Well, uhm, that said I read over my last blogpost again today and realised that I totally forgot about quite some details, which made it sound… strange. I’m going to try and clarify things a bit, just in case you wondered (because I did if I’d care, and people seem to care about my blog).

1.) How do I know that the police have my cell phone? Easy, they told me in the interrogation room. Of course they weren’t like “Oh, Miss, by the way – we found your cell, you might want to have it back?” but rather… pointed out that it’s a strange coincidence they found the person who stalked me for a while murdered and then found him being in possession of my cell phone.

2.) How did they know it was mine? Because I actually have a little glittering sticker on it, saying “Fiona’s Fabulous FPhone!” There wasn’t much thinking to do I guess.

3.) If Brute found the blog via the cell phone and the police have it, why would I think that they don’t know about the blog? I never said that. I’m not going to tell them about the blog myself, that’s all. My views are quite high recently, so maybe there are some of the officers reading through it already. But they didn’t mention it to me yet, so I won’t mention it too and not give up hope it’s still a place for me and me alone. Well, and you, internet.

4.) Do I actually have anything to do with Brute’s death? No, and since that was so natural for me, I must have totally forgotten that no one can see into my memories and see that while writing. Reading my last few entries, I’d suspect myself of really being involved with the murder, just because I didn’t comment on that, like, at all. Since it’s possible that a policeman will soon slap me with a printout of my blog and ask me how I did it, I should maybe do it now, though. No. I didn’t kill him. At least not actively or voluntarily. I was at home the night they found him, I did my homework and went to sleep at a reasonable time to go to school the next day. I blame myself for making him feel the way he did towards me, and maybe not reciprocrating his feelings, and not talking to him when I had the chance to do it. I blame myself for not having stopped him from going outside that night, for not checking on the blog that evening, for not… stopping him from going out and being murdered. But I did not harm him and I didn’t encourage anyone to do it.

Something else about Brute: I don’t know if people can see who’s part of the blogs “team” or not, but he somehow added himself there to write the blogpost. And I’ll keep the account in there. I wouldn’t know much about how else I could make a memento for him, and I want to remember him and what I indirectly did to him. I liked him and looking at the blogpost I see what I liked about him shine through, as well as in his username. Both of which I should keep in mind. So I will keep that little bit of him close to me, and this blog – especially the admin center – is more or less as close as it gets. I think he would like that.

I’ll better stop writing here for now.

Bye, internet.

[Insert witty Title here]

So I managed to visit Officer today, together with Berry. Made for a nice little evening at the cinema (I wish that I wasn’t preoccupied with other thoughts, because “Sucker Punch” deserved to be appreciated at least a bit more than I can right now) and a conversation I really needed.

I feel a bit bad about what I wrote earlier, though. Since Brute had made such a sane and almost charming impression on me when I first met him, I automatically assumed that everything he did since then had been made on purpose because he was reproachful against me or something. That was very egotistical of me. Officer cleared things up there a bit – regarding Brutes behavior and the content of his notes (I showed a few to Officer), it’s quite obvious that something is wrong with him, in a mental disease kind of way. He might be sick and I just didn’t notice, but blamed him for everything instead. That sucks, and in hindsight, I’m really ashamed of how I thought about him earlier.

But even though, Officer warned me of underestimating Brutes potential for aggression against me. He would rather like me to go to the police and talk about all of this, but since I don’t want to, he could only advise me to ignore all approaches of Brute and tell him as soon as the notes turn into way more.

I didn’t tell him about the cell phone yet, maybe I won’t at all. The notes alone were enough for him to ask several times if I was sure about leaving my Dad and my friends alone with it. But I would rather try and talk about it to Brute once again or maybe to Story if I don’t dare. So I just said I’d rather try something else first without specifying what that something else was.

At least I now know that there’s someone I can go to if things turn out for the worse. The cell phone didn’t show up yet, but so did notes by Brute, so I’m at least somewhat in a good mood today.

In other good news, I didn’t have nightmares since the one with the rose garden. Just thought I should mention that, as I failed to deliver more dream narrations since then. So maybe everything might turn out for the better now.

Wish me luck, internet. :) Bye.

In which I am both relieved and freaked out

Obviously, Brute doesn’t know about the blog and didn’t tell anyone. I asked Story some stealthy questions and also talked to Barbie (yeah, go figure why I nickname her that…), who couldn’t stay quiet about it for the life of her. None of the two seemed to know about the blog, so it will stay. Rejoice, internet!

I also decided to have a long conversation with Berry and to tell her about Brute maybe-stalking me. I should maybe elaborate: Berry is the daughter of a police officer. I don’t know if there’s a connection, but of all my friends, she’s the one who can shut up about things best. Sometimes I wish she would have grown up living with her father instead of her mother – they are divorced – so she would be more… yeah, more like me I guess. But her mother simply had the money to fight for custody until she had it. Big inheritance from somewhere, complete with a marriage settlement that didn’t leave so much as a cent for Berrys father. So Berry only visits her father every now and then. Incidentally, she sometimes takes me with her, because I’m the one of our clique that knows how to behave right around him the most. I can understand that. While the other girls simply can relate better to a wealthy heiress with an appropriate life style, I can relate best to a single father who needs to ponder every bigger expense. So I am kind of close to that part of the family and… I just know that Officer (yeah, I’m nickname lazy like that) wouldn’t talk about this to my Dad if I didn’t want him to.

Well, I told Berry about Brute, not as elaborate as I did here of course (she’s a bit more trustworthy than the others, but still shares a lot of their opinions on the invisible line between cool kids and the others…), and she suggested that we’d just visit her father together tomorrow, since she wanted to go to the movies with him anyway. Now I’m a bit nervous about talking to Officer tomorrow, but I feel good about hopefully getting some professional advice.

Berry also gave me one as well. She said I should make digital copies of the drawings and store them online, which surprised me first, but when I asked her about it, she said: “You know, the internet does never forget anything. Especially pictures. Even if someone deletes them, chances are that someone else downloaded them already and uploaded them elsewhere. My Dad keeps having problems with that when the pictures are made for harassing and bullying people – but in this case you could use that effect for something positive instead.”

That actually made a lot of sense to me. So I was fabulously sneaky today and used the scanner in my dad’s office to digitalize them. So here’s a plea to you, internet – maybe especially you, Fabulous Person if you still are with me. Please do download this stuff and keep it. And if anything happens, help me out with it. Please.

The first two notes Brute delivered to me and the fourth one.

The third note from Brute.

I got this note today at school. He somehow managed to tape it to my seat. Thanks to God I got if off before anyone saw it.

The last one makes me most nervous. The “O”s look just like the symbol that flickered over the princes head in my dream. Which is too strange a coincidence for my taste. This is also the reason for me talking to Berry at all.

That’s probably enough for today. Have a nice one, internet!